Rebecca Beltran: 00:00
Over the years I've had people ask me about dating profiles and what should I put on my dating profile. And I've always done this I put anything and everything on my dating profile that anyone has ever broken up with me or had a problem with me about or any reason, because I want to use the power of the Internet to self select. Hey, you, thanks for tuning in. Just a quick heads up. This episode is rated PG 13. So expect to hear some mild language or adult concepts. I often explore pleasure on this podcast, especially in the context of relationships, but also life in general. A few times I veered away from my main topic to record an episode about entrepreneurship. But I've never quite combined the two in an obvious way. The strong link between these two seemingly separate worlds one of intimacy love entangling pleasure. And one of business, money and marketing became even more apparent to me when I decided I wanted to be a guest expert at a webinar for the unmistakable creative prime community. At the time, the topic that was lighting me up the most was the art of seduction, the art of drawing someone in encouraging and tempting them to do something that they already want to do. Why this is important in the world of business and marketing, and how entrepreneurs can start seducing their audiences. The unmistakable creative prime community is a community of creative entrepreneurs expanding to make a living from their art. And I think especially when it comes to the arts, more so than any other business categories, you need to be able to seduce your audience. Because if you leave them flat, you lose them quickly. You need to enthrall them. And seduction is about something beautiful and ideal. compel them with something dark and broken and relatable, transport them into a world detached yet attached to reality. consume their senses, connecting them to their bodies into the present, bringing them a deep sense of pleasure, I will stick with them. Because it is an art that brings us pleasure that we return to that we desire that we bring close to us in our most intimate spaces. The things that inspire us and open our eyes to something bigger are the things we as humans choose to invest in. After listening to this episode, I think you might agree that seduction really does play a role in every entrepreneurs life. I hope you enjoy this conversation about the art of seduction and entrepreneurship. And maybe you too will see the business world in a warmer or sensual way than before.

02:41
Hey, everybody, Sweeney here today we have a really exciting webinar with Rebecca Beltran, you might have heard her interview on unmistakable creative about being a professional cortisone. And we were kind of talking about different ideas, specifically around seduction. And I even as I was going back through Robert Greene's book, The Art of Seduction, I realized this book is about more than seducing people are building an audience. And so Rebecca had suggested this as a webinar, and we both basically said, Yeah, that sounds amazing. Let's absolutely do that, you know, I think there's going to be a lot to learn from her. So without further ado, I would like to introduce you to Rebecca is here to talk about the art of seduction on ethnicity, which I think that you, as I said, you know, building an audience of selling a product, anything really is a form of seduction, it's just seduction on a mass scale, as Robert Greene like to say, and so I will actually end it over here.

Rebecca Beltran: 03:32
Hey, everyone, I don't know very many of you. In fact, I don't know if I know any of you. If you are able to turn your screen on, I would love to see your face. And we can build a little bit more intimacy by actually being able to see you. This is a pretty regular thing. You have workshops like this, right?

03:46
Yeah, we do these about once a month as part of unmistakable crime be invite former guest to the show to come and talk about their expertise. And they've all been just absolutely fantastic. And, you know, I think it's really for us an opportunity to go deeper into the things they hear about on the show. And actually, you know, give them a chance to actually talk to you, as opposed to just hearing me ask your questions. So I think that that's the fun part. Because I think people have questions that I may not necessarily have. And, you know, those are questions I'm always curious about as well to see, you know, what struck a chord with people, you know, why they listened, you know, all those things. Yeah.

Rebecca Beltran: 04:21
Well, maybe we should start out with that, then does anyone have anything that they want to say or share about the, their reactions to what they've heard or what they've heard?

04:31
If you have listened to the interview, definitely share in the comments, kind of, you know, what you thought and you know, how you thought it might relate to your work? Because I think that, you know, to me, after going for a walk and listening to our conversation, I guess it was reflected on it. But yeah, there's there's a lot more here than that, you know, I think most of us realize, but that was kind of my big takeaway from from all of it.

Rebecca Beltran: 04:50
So what drew you to a workshop about authenticity and seduction?

04:54
It's a great question for everybody. If you guys can just answer in the chat like what is it that drew you to this? session in particular,

Rebecca Beltran: 05:01
somebody says marketing is seduction? Yeah, I think marketing often is seduction a recent one, we're trying to fit the title into building an audience, recent widower and trying to fit the title into building an audience. Bob, do you want to say a little bit more about that? I'm not quite sure what you mean. I'm curious.

05:17
Well, I'm coming at it from two different angles. One I was my wife recently passed away about a year ago. So how the authentic authenticity and how to be authentic as I meet new people,

Rebecca Beltran: 05:36
thanks for sharing this with us. Yeah, I don't have very much experience with the widow personally. But my dad was widowed while I was a girl. So I've seen it from the other perspective a bit. I actually created a podcast episode a couple of podcast episodes earlier this year about grief and pleasure, because I found, particularly during 2020, when so much was happening. And so many people were going through big shifts and changes in deaths and metaphorical deaths and real deaths, that it was coming up for me, but it was also coming for everyone that was listening to my show, and everyone that was reaching out to me. So I'm curious about the you say you're wanting to be authentic with people that you're meeting? Is it nerves about how they're going to treat to your authentic self? Is there something particular there?

06:25
Well, it's easy, easy to be a recluse, especially when you're, you know, get into the mid 70s. And think your life's almost over in a lot of ways. But you don't want to admit that. And so figuring out how to break that barrier, and authentically put yourself out there is something that is difficult to do.

Rebecca Beltran: 06:53
Would you mind sharing with us the driving reason why it matters for you to do that?

06:58
I don't want to be to flip about this, but living alone and having to take care of myself is a pain in the butt.

Rebecca Beltran: 07:05
Yeah, I hear ya.

07:08
know, I, I think I'm a herd animal and that I need to prefer to live in partnership with someone.

07:17
Yeah,

Rebecca Beltran: 07:18
me too. I spent a lot of 2020 alone a lot more alone that I really wanted to be alone. Yeah. Anybody else is in the same boat? Some some people? Yes. Some people? No. It's really interesting how different it is in different parts of the world. I don't know if anyone else has realized that. But all of the Zoom meetings that I've been on this year has really helped me hear different people's perspectives. Yeah, I think that's a big piece of seduction is being curious, and being willing to listen. Is there anything else you'd like to share? Bob,

07:51
don't click anything right now.

Rebecca Beltran: 07:53
All right, let's check the chat. The idea of sexual seduction in relation to authenticity was an interesting concept. Because sometimes we think seduction is fake, so that someone gets what they want from you. Ooh, Aaron. Yeah, I'm really glad you brought that up. Yeah, excellent. If you want to pop on, pop in and chat more about that you're welcome to. I think that's a really good point. Because both in marketing and seduction, it's easy to assume that the person has motives that aren't in your best interest. So I think for me a big part of seduction, that can stay clean, and everyone can be happy in the end, is to telegraph what your intentions are and what your desires are. So whether your creative art is writing a blog or doing a podcast or something like that, making it very clear what you're expecting them to get out of whatever they're paying for you I think is a huge, huge benefit. thanks for popping in my work is about building trust and interest, interest in trust and creating clients and then keeping it together as we go deeper in our coaching work together. Angie. Yeah. Angie as a coach. Intimacy as a coach is pretty cool, right? Do you see yourself as seducing your clients to their better selves? She says, Yes, I do. That's really cool. Yeah, I think of it that way, too. I feel like for my work as a court is in being able to hear what my my clients heart desire is, and then ask them questions that remind them how important it is to them. That is the best way to seduce someone into life that they really want to live. And I think as creatives we're doing a similar kind of thing, right? We want them to participate in our community or buy our product or connect with us in some way. But we don't want to do it out of purely selfish reasons. We want that interaction that back and forth flow of energy of exchange, somehow, curiosity. I think ethnicity and seduction is an inside out job. Ooh, David, you want to say more about that? Authenticity and seduction is an inside out job.

09:58
Yes. Yes, I do. On Sorry, I'm just saying, I just want to get some fried chicken. But I mean that it's more, if anything is more, it's more inner work, right? It's it's self reflection. It's contemplation, and introspection. And it's, it's living out those ideas in the world. Because it's not just an idea. If you don't see how that's coming out in reality in the in the social world, I don't think I don't really think it means anything. Yeah,

Rebecca Beltran: 10:27
yeah. From what I'm hearing, I hope I'm understanding you correctly. It sounds a lot like you're talking about living your values. And when you're living your own values out in the world, people see that they sense that and they're drawn to that if they're a match to that. Is that what you're correct? Yeah. Yeah, I think so too. I think over the years, I've had people ask me about dating profiles, and what should I put on my dating profile. And I've always done this, I put anything and everything on my dating profile that anyone has ever broken up with me or had a problem with me about for any reason. Because I want to use the power of the Internet to self select, if someone knows for sure that that's going to be a deal breaker for them. Cool. ahead of time, and we don't have to spend a lot of time trying to figure out what's what's going on between us. That's exactly, yeah, yeah. And it goes the other way, too, the more real I am about what I actually care about what I actually want to spend time doing, then the better match I find the more someone is actually going to be likely at least likely to want to do the same kinds of things that I do and build the kind of partnership that I'm looking for. So Oh, yeah, absolutely.

11:38
Absolutely. And it might not be who you expect it right? How that person looks. It might not you might say to yourself, damn, it really, you know, at least a monkey. It's really hard. So

11:51
yeah, you never know.

Rebecca Beltran: 11:53
Yeah, you won't know who shows up. That's a really cool thing, too, that I've noticed. I guess I'm just gonna keep talking until someone has questions, please is that when, when we're moving along, and we were more and more ourselves, the people that match that show up are more and more ourselves, and whether they're clients or whether they're friends or their lovers, it doesn't really matter. It just means that you're curating a community around you, that's a better fit to what you're wanting to live. So that's, that's to me why it matters so much to put your values, write on the outside of yourself, put them on your OKCupid profile, or wherever it lives them to write. I mean, that's the best way of communicating your values and deliver them and to show that you actually mean what you say. I think that's really, really fun. Yeah, I'm glad you spoke up. Thanks. All right. See, Oh, yeah. Another thing that I was thinking of, because of your comment, I think, David, yeah, David, that authenticity being an inside out job, I've noticed that in my work, especially when I'm working with another woman, and we're doing some kind of a threesome session or something like that. We don't all have the same level of comfort with being authentic about our sexuality. And sometimes I'll see people that are, it's not that they're faking their sexuality, it's just that they're not as connected to it when they're with someone they don't really want to be with. And so they start pretending, or they start imagining what that person will find sexy and doing that. But everybody can tell when you do that. And everybody, so since a bunch of people on here are nodding, the same thing goes for our creative work. Are we creating something for someone else? Or are we creating what makes our heart happy to create? Are we putting out the thing that feels most unique and current and present for us now, because if we are then we're on our own leading edge, that's probably a good thing, at least that I enjoy surfing on my leading edge. So starting to feel like I'm preaching at you all. And

13:59
I was actually gonna say that I agree with you on that one. And it's really, really hard because I've run into times when I've wanted to have an artwork in a gallery. And you know, the person's like, Well, you got to pick a type. You're two very, you've done landscape, you've got this architectural stuff, What's your type? What are people going to know you for? And then they go, Hey, you're indigenous Do you have indigenous background? That's a hot trendy piece of artwork right now. Why don't you do something in The Woodlands style? And things like that? So you know, you're looking at an art gallery figuring they want you to be used well, they want you to be marketable, right, in the terms that they consider marketable. So that's, uh, I was gonna say it's a really good point. Excellent point.

Rebecca Beltran: 14:43
Yeah, yeah, I that's cool. I've never had anything hanging the gallery or anything like that. So my advice here could be totally off base. But if I consider that using the analogy of a date, something that I know a lot About, then what what does your heart tell you about what medium you want to put in that gallery, because whatever it is that you're actually excited about sharing, there is where you're going to get the most payoff anyway, no matter, you know whether or not people say it's not going to be profitable, or whatever. And I think okay, so using my analogy, that would be like being on a date and having someone doing something that I really enjoy. But that's not really getting me where I want to be going physically or energetically. Maybe they're very, very close to making me come, but they just aren't quite getting over the edge, because they're not doing the right speed or something. But if I don't say anything, and if I don't let that be important enough to speak up for then, whatever happens next can't possibly be as good, right? Because I didn't let myself take that energy as far as it wanted to go. Same thing with working in a gallery or creative work. What where's the energy coming from? For this project? What actually wants to be shown?

16:06
That makes total sense. And the dating analogy is pretty damn good one. So I got married at 18. Like, I don't know what dating is. So

Rebecca Beltran: 16:19
I got married at 21. I understand.

16:22
Not far with me. Yeah, no one was in with him for 17 years until we got divorced and a while ago, so I have no idea what it is like.

Rebecca Beltran: 16:31
Yeah, I was married for eight years. And when I got divorced, I had never done any kind of online dating or anything, but it was well established at that time. So I had to figure that out.

16:41
You had to give it a shot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I recommend it. Sure thing. Yep.

Rebecca Beltran: 16:50
And here's what's cool about being super authentic and super yourself, is, you end up mysterious, no mystery. Mystery is a powerful component to seduction. You don't seduce somebody if you already know everything there is to know about them. You want to be seduced? Let it be known that nobody knows everything about you. Even if you're open and like to share all kinds of things with people like I do. You don't? Yeah, you can always keep stuff for yourself. So many directions. It's really neat. I like to say that one more time. Instead, I

17:26
like the thoughts that you're coming out with. And the idea of leaving a little bit of mystery and curiosity, and how much do you actually reveal? That's a good question to kind of consider. Yeah, all facets, all facets, not just like whether you're selling artwork or your personal life. And

Rebecca Beltran: 17:41
yeah. And when you think of what parts of yourself to reveal, the way I like to think of it is, we can only take in a certain amount of data. And everyone else can only take in a certain amount of data to so it's helpful to prioritize what data they want you to see them by where you want them to see you by. So that gallery might have been giving you great advice about picking a type but pick a type that makes your heart sing.

18:06
And that's tricky. Yeah.

Rebecca Beltran: 18:10
What do you love to do?

18:12
Oh, shit, tell the things. That's part of the problem, right? Like I'm like, while we're sitting here and painting, but I do a lot of photography. I love to write I have books of poetry. No one's ever so I love doing a lot of things. And that's the hard part is picking what it is. Maybe you don't know yet.

Rebecca Beltran: 18:29
Maybe you don't know yet. I'm actually watching to see if your face lights up when you talk about anything.

18:35
And there's probably

18:36
things I love there was when we do that Srini when did we do that thing where Sam and I ended up in a room talking about sad stuff. And the one thing saying I don't remember that was in series going your way too big. We were talking and Sam goes Aaron, when you talk about writing your travel stuff. That's when you seem to get all excited the idea of adventure and exploring and trying to find I

19:00
think it was our Find Your why workshop based on Simon Sinek book, yeah.

19:08
So it sounds more observant of me than I am.

19:11
Well, most people are more conservative as than we are. We're so sort of, you know, most of our behavior so unconscious, and we see it that's why that's actually so why it's so hard to do that find your why is without another person. You know, you can go through it all you want. But the thing is, you know, you're kind of telling stories, and we don't notice patterns in our own stories. And if you ever had Daniel sports book Firestarter sessions, one of the things she actually says is to just have somebody interview you and you'll be amazed at what you tell them. Like we actually thought about doing that as a service once for people just as copywriting, you know, to basically do an hour interview to give them you know, all these things that they normally wouldn't even notice just because for some reason a lot of things come out when you talk to them. Like I've noticed even when I interviewed which I rarely, you know like doing interviews on the other side of the mic but often when I do all come up with ideas for blog posts and things I hadn't even thought about.

20:04
People are you're brainstorming man?

20:07
Pretty much. Yeah. I mean, that's that's why the ongoing joke is every guest that I talked to is a reflection of some problem that I'm trying to solve in my life.

Rebecca Beltran: 20:16
Oh, no, I'm curious, but I was a reflection of

20:19
you noticed at this point? Well how to seduce women.

Rebecca Beltran: 20:24
Oh, that could be a fun topic, we should get into that. How to Seduce Women, I guess seducing women and students in men is a little bit different.

20:33
Yeah. But I mean, at some point, I mean, some of your job to say how many guests have actually reflected that problem? probably quite a few.

Rebecca Beltran: 20:40
Right, right. Yeah, I think for me, the difference between as soon as seeing a woman and seducing a man, seducing a woman is about making her comfortable. And seducing a man is about making him all right, seducing a man is about a couple of things. Say they're making him feel desired. Showing him He's respected. Or just like this primal. He's a man thing. All three of those things work on men. Yeah. Yeah. With women, though, you will have to almost 100% make them comfortable first, before anything else will work in my experience. And then of course, there's my lens. I'm a woman seducing a woman, not a man seducing a woman, so?

21:24
Well, I mean, I think that then the follow up to that is okay, what's the difference between seducing an individual person or students can audience at scale?

Rebecca Beltran: 21:33
That is a good question. I don't know if I have an accurate answer. I'll say for myself and my podcast, almost all of the stuff that I have put out that has been attractive to a wider audience, has been me writing to one person, I have a list of people for my podcast, I call my beta listeners list. And whenever I record an episode, and I've done the first edit, and I want to send it out and hear what people think, before I publish it, I send it to this group. This is like 10, or 15, people who I know and trust to understand my vision for what I'm trying to do. And then one of them or two of them will get a chance to listen and give me some feedback. But having that beta listener group be first of all, it's the first person who I get to see is the first group that I get to see what actually strikes people in the episode because sometimes what I think is the most important thing, nobody else notices. And they all get really excited about this. One thing that we said that oh, yeah, looking back, that actually was pretty big. I just didn't see it at the time. So that's really helpful. But it almost always comes from one person that I'm seducing that I universalize it when I put it out publicly, but it starts out with one. Does that do the same thing for you? Shani? Do, you know? Yeah, I

22:47
mean, I mean, I think that's, that's, you know, I like it's kind of funny, because, you know, when half as far as writing goes, I think all my writing is more or less a reminder to myself and things that, you know, I need to know, and that's why, right. I mean, I think that, you know, in a lot of ways that I always say I wrote for myself, the podcast is for my audience, you know, and I think that the the numbers kind of indicate that clearly. I mean, the number of people listen to the podcast is far bigger than the number of people who read my writing.

Rebecca Beltran: 23:15
That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. transcripts for the show.

23:19
Yeah, I do. I'm not I do. Like I have mixed feelings about transcripts. I think that they're, I think they're personally, I think they're useless, because they without the context of what's being said, you know, you're not really going to get into effect tomorrow, we have a blog post coming out about how to take effective notes on podcasts. And I go into all the reasons why transcripts are not particularly effective tools for that, because you know, you're just storing information more than you're learning, I think.

Rebecca Beltran: 23:46
Yeah, yeah. No, I agree. I found that a handful of my listeners will read the transcripts when they can't listen to an episode when they're family or something like that. But it does change with not having the inflections. All right, what else? Have we got this half an hour and right? It took some notes, I'm gonna see if anything sounds good to share with you guys. But feel free to keep popping in questions. Hmm, how to find and use your authentic self to attract your ideal audience. Okay, that was one of the things that we promised, right. So I think we've talked I've shared a little bit about being authentic and how big of a benefit that can be. But I find it helpful to hear some really powerful personal stories. So I dated this guy through most of the pandemic named Tom. He has he's given me permission to share this, by the way, and we had such a lovely poly world poly life for the pandemic. And then at some point, he's like, hey, you know what, my feelings have changed and they're moving away from the romantic and I think you're still really cool. And it was, honestly, I think it was the best breakup ever. I did a podcast episode about it. We spent the rest of the evening walking around town and holding hands and sharing memories of how good it was to be together during this crazy time. And it was just amazing. And we've had a couple of cool interactions since then he's helping out a friend of mine learned how to play piano. But the fact that every time I think about that breakup, my heart gets bigger is a sign that something is going right. Right, something is good here. I think that's a pretty cool and special thing when you can have some kind of partnership dissolution, and have it be a beneficial thing for everyone involved and have it add energy to the relationship in the long term. So yeah, there's a one reason to be as authentic as possible, you never know where it'll end up. I think the usual experience in that situation, right is to just pretend that things aren't changing, pretend that you still feel the same about this person, and then drag that out. That's not fun. But instead, we were able to give each other a whole new kind of space and shift our relationship into something that was much more supportive and kind. And that's cool. Trini is looking a little confused. Did I fully? No, no,

26:13
no, no, not at all. So you know, one thing I wonder about, you know, I think somebody for the piece that I wrote about the psychology of building audience, and you know, talking about authenticity in the public eye, something that I think would be valuable, because, you know, I think that where I wonder about this, this is something I've asked a lot of people on the podcast is there's a sort of wine of what's appropriate for public consumption, and what's not like, some of the things that I say to my roommates on a daily basis, I would never say, you know, in front of you guys, because those are things that would be potentially career ending, you know, like, there are things that I think are a PR crisis in the making on a daily basis. And so, you know, and I think there was a guy we had as a guest, Stephen Goldstein, who'd written a book about, you know, how the most powerful people from Wall Street to Hollywood to Washington, because like them, and he actually talked about authenticity, and how it's actually different in the public eye, and that it's almost impossible for a public figure to be the same person they are in private as they are in public.

Rebecca Beltran: 27:05
Yeah, I can see that. I think the bigger than near is that's being held up in front of you, the harder it is to see the side of the mirror that you don't want to look at. And the harder it is for other people to see it and to be compassionate about it. So it's easy to just hide it.

27:20
No, no, I mean, that was my experience with reality TV, I was like, okay, you know what I'm about to be on a massive platform here. I need to be mindful of what I say and do here, probably at a level that most of these people don't which, clearly based on their behavior, they didn't, at all.

Rebecca Beltran: 27:38
Yeah, reality TV is not known for its filtering and behavior, is it?

27:42
No. But they can only use what you give them to edit. That's true. Yeah.

Rebecca Beltran: 27:48
Yeah, it's interesting. I think that in terms of how authentic can public figures be, it does get really challenging around that. I've been pretty not public for most of my career, and I've just recently started to be more public about it about a year ago. So I'm feeling that shift in that change to you know, what's okay to say in public and what pushes people too far. I've I try for myself, and I don't think this is the right answer for anybody else. But I try for myself to find a place where I can still show, particularly my sadness, if I can still show being sad, and have respect for myself in the process, then I'm probably right about the level of authenticity that is, that is going to work for me in the long term. If I can't show the sadness, then something is twisted. Yeah, but that might just be because I'm an Enneagram. Seven, I'm sure everybody else has their own tails. What were you gonna say? Aaron, I think

28:45
that when you're in a public spot, being vulnerable can be a very scary thing. Because so I think a lot of people will protect themselves on purpose aware of what someone can choose to do with what you put out there. It's really easy to take a few words and turn them into something else. And it sounds bad my my day job as a teacher, and we have to watch ourselves like there is no tomorrow if you walk in and go guys had a brutal night last night. Let's not argue everybody sit down it can get you know, if you mentioned anything personal in that kind of way it can get twisted, and then the next thing you know, you're being like, written up and stuff like that. Society's gotten very unforgiving in some way.

Rebecca Beltran: 29:36
Yeah, that's an interesting point to bring up. And I think it also highlights the fact that there's a difference between being in the public eye and being an authority figure, right and an authority figure that's showing a certain amount of weaknesses a different effect than a public figure that is showing what's perceived as weakness, right.

29:56
And some of our public figures are very powerful as well. Oh, you know, and yeah, some are both, yeah, a lot of influence on people and certainly send things one way or the other. So it's a tricky, tricky thing to choose to put things out there.

Rebecca Beltran: 30:13
And I think, I think the important thing for this group to remember is that we are not authentic public figures, trying to figure out how to, you know, put ourselves out in the world, as much as we are creatives, putting ourselves out in the world. As creatives, we're creating ourselves through all of these experiences, rather than trying to hide from these experiences. And to me that makes a difference, it makes a big difference as to what I'm willing to share and what I'm willing to put out there. If I'm a public figure, and I'm supposed to be a good example, then there's a lot of things that I wouldn't share. But I don't see that as my role I see my role is someone who's there to inspire and help be curious and share things that can make people's lives better. Right? And for that, some authenticity and reality and real sadness seems to actually work in my favor. So what about for you? What works in your favor? If you think about your creative life?

31:14
Can I jump in? Yeah, I think there's a one of the struggles that creatives have. Everybody's touched on it is that the number one trend in the world today, and especially in the Western world, is conformity, absolute conformity. And if you do something that doesn't conform, you can get canceled, you can get mobs after you. And so it's really hard to be an artist and have to self censor, just because you're afraid to say something that may be misconstrued, not construed, but misconstrued as a problem. So there's this friction. And when you're talking about authentic authenticity, I think it's harder to be authentic today than it was, say 10 years ago. Because if you're authentic, grumpy, you know, a few if you don't like a certain music, or you don't like a certain way that that door, you don't want to dress the way the crowd dresses, all of a sudden, you're not just being yourself, you you're seen as anatomy, if you if you haven't seen Ricky Gervais talk about Twitter, I recommend it. You don't want any guitar lessons. So it's really it's, for me, I've never felt this kind of friction before. But I have to hold myself back from saying something because that might be misconstrued.

Rebecca Beltran: 32:35
It is different. And the more public we become as creatives, the more people are going to misconstrue stuff that we say it's just going to happen. So on some level, we have to accept that. If we're going to piss somebody off, piss off the right people. Don't piss off the people that want to have your back, piss off the people who are already going to be upset about you, no matter who you are. Because, you know, they're not the same as you. So they're going to be upset.

32:59
I mean, I think my favorite just seamless quote, which I've probably echoed 1000 times is if you have a bold and compelling point of view, it's gonna piss people off.

Rebecca Beltran: 33:08
And it'll probably inspire enough to make it worth it. If your heart is in it, then I bet that will be true.

33:16
Yeah, I mean, I think some of you heard the interview with the the porn star. And I remember my roommates were listening, like thinking, like, both of us listening to this, like, are you gonna lose listeners, because of this given type of graphic? It is like, that's a chance to take and we were thinking about it. And, to our surprise, not a single person sent us an email or complained about it. We're like,

33:35
okay, cool.

Rebecca Beltran: 33:37
Yeah, I think that's, that's really cool that you guys tracked that and you paid attention to it. I've noticed similar thing for years, I didn't tell everybody what I do for a living. And once I started to, I found not only did I make better friends faster, but we have way more interesting conversations.

33:57
So I can only imagine.

Rebecca Beltran: 33:59
Yeah, so let the let the people who aren't going to be your tribe not be a match to you. It's okay. If they get pissed off. I mean, you don't want to make them so angry. They're gonna come and burn down your house or anything. That's a different line to lock. Dave put a comment in here. I've always been a weird guy. So my only experience is with nymphomaniacs. I don't know exactly what that was in response to but if you want to share more, I'm curious.

34:25
Well, you know, your regular upwardly mobile woman who said, looking for success and a guy who's going places, they never took any interest in me. It was always women who had, you know, pretty significant libidos and who had a different view of time, you know, they weren't looking at me as the next 510 50 years, but, you know, it's the next hour or two. And so it's been a mixed blessing.

Rebecca Beltran: 34:53
I can imagine. Yeah. Did you feel like there was seduction involved in that somehow?

34:58
Oh, yeah. The tricks they play. I don't want to get too graphic, but I've, I've been manipulated.

Rebecca Beltran: 35:08
Do you have mixed feelings about seduction? In your creative work? Because of any of that?

35:12
Well, no, it's actually reminded me, you know, you get to a certain age and knowledge isn't so much discovery anymore, but remembering. And there was a time when I knew that the same techniques you would use to seduce someone are what you can use in business communication all over the place. Use that as your model, this little seed of your crystal.

Rebecca Beltran: 35:35
So did you just say that these Nymphomaniac seducing you over the years taught you better marketing?

35:46
I hadn't thought of that.

Rebecca Beltran: 35:47
That sounds like quite an upside. Yeah,

35:50
that's a good one.

Rebecca Beltran: 35:51
Especially if you got the orgasm to and enjoyed yourself. Exactly.

35:55
Well, I'll tell you a story. It's kind of racy, don't don't slap your hands over your ears. So I used to have a little bit of cannabis business on the side. And I knew this woman who lived downtown, and she called me up and say you drop your bag of pot is what we used to call it back then. So I go over there. And she had quite the furious of libido, but it was always, you know, the ball was in her court, something was going to happen. And she would say something. So anyways, we do our transaction, I'm about to go. And she says, Hey, before you go, don't you want to do some sex? I'm like, oh, okay, sure. So then I'm doing foreplay with her. And she looks at me kind of funny. And then she says, you know, you who are having sex with a girl, but it's like, you're making love to her, like you're in love with her. But you're not. That's just the way you have sex. And, you know, it just echoed Blong all throughout my life, because it's something you would never think of, or could never an observation, you could never make yourself only someone else can say something like that about you. Yeah. And so then years later, I went to this yoga studio again, downtown. And it was about, you know, being loving in your, in your intimacy, where he loved here to see. And I'm standing around waiting outside and started talking with a couple of women. And I said, Well, it's describes pretty much the only kind of sex I've ever had, you know, being very loving. And for me, the The other kind is the alien.

Rebecca Beltran: 37:30
That's an interesting story. Yeah. Thanks for sharing. Was there an insight that you had from thinking about that or sharing that?

37:39
Well, you know, I was just had to put some, some quotes about myself, on my website, which is very difficult thing, you know, how you, you go to a bathroom and a hotel, and you're washing up at the sink, and there's two mirrors. And they're, they're almost parallel, and you look into them, and you see, you know, off to infinity, that's called an infinite regress in logic. And so when you write your own resume or write quotes about yourself, it's the same thing. You know, it's like you're reflecting, and it gets very difficult. So I asked my friends in my writers group, and they sent me all these very nice quotes. It's like people hold their cards close, they won't tell you nice things about yourself, even though they feel it all the time, every time you're there. And again, it was this thing of things I never would have thought of unpredictable.

Rebecca Beltran: 38:23
Well, it also brings out the point that you invited them, right, you sent out an invitation. That's right. I think that might be the component of seduction, and your story, right there. Really more than The Nymphomaniac seducing you it was. Yeah. And seducing some friends to say some nice things about you. And I think that's, you know, perfectly legitimate, especially right now, in these times where you may not get to see people as much learning how to ask for what we need. And what will actually make us happy is a really powerful part of seduction, actually, because if we don't ask, oftentimes, people don't know, we're also different. And yet, we assume we all are the same. We assume that we all like the same stroke on our clip that makes us come we assume that we all like this particular speed that gets us almost where we want to go. It but it's not that way. We're all different, and we're all different, even every day. But if we don't know how to pay attention and check in with our bodies, and listen to that, we don't know how to speak for our bodies, when we need to have something different than we're having, then it, it gets off track quickly, and it doesn't usually satisfy the same, but learning how to speak for ourselves and to say, hey, a little bit slower into the left, please. That is really incredible.

39:42
It's like there's a pipe and stuff is flowing down the pipe. And but you have this like we're talking about this little bit of a hesitation of all I don't want to say what it is exactly that I want that's like a thin film like a soap bubble in the pipe and it's such a thin thing and so fragile Yeah, it stops the flow. Yeah. And cobwebs form and it gets all dry. Crazy, right? Yeah. And it's just such a thin film don't allow thin films to lock these flows.

40:11
Yeah,

Rebecca Beltran: 40:12
I like that we've made a bunch of really interesting analogies today connected sex to some fun things. And saying

40:19
that I think if, if you're going to try to seduce someone, you have to look around and see how the zeitgeist works. I remember back in high school, all the girls love the captain of the cheerleading or the captain of the football team, right? Well, the reason I liked the captain of the football team was because he was doing something, if you are somebody who wasn't doing anything, if you were just one of the people that went to school and you went home, you would have to do work a lot harder to be seen people, women, whether it's women or men, but people are drawn to people who do things. And they're more attractive to us, the people that are doing something that are getting out there, and then, you know, doing stuff that is different than everybody else does. Right off the bat, that's an attraction. And when you're in business, you have to do the same thing we call it, sometimes we call social proof, somewhat, as they call it, you know, other things. But you know, if you're just gonna sit around and be a lump and see if you can sell stuff, they won't work. If you can't build a market or community around that. And real quickly, Bob, buy a motorcycle buddy. Chick chicks go nuts for motorcycles.

41:31
Oh, good.

Rebecca Beltran: 41:33
An instant the Brotherhood is a great way to be social. It's a good good advice. Yeah. Oh, and Angie says in the comments. I'm sorry, what was that?

41:42
I was gonna say, Rebecca, could you talk a little bit about, you know, coming across as passionate and being passionate without being intimidating, or without being overt or without being? I know, I find a lot with dating and male egos. And it can be, it can come across as too much or it can come across as there's no room for anything else when you're talking about your passions, or you're talking about your work, or it doesn't balance with their life, which may not be as full?

Rebecca Beltran: 42:10
Yeah, that's a tough question. And you might not like my answer. I don't think that you're ever intimidating to the person who you really want to spend time with. I think the full authentic firehose of your passion should be something that they want to lap up or be super excited to be around you when you're in that. Otherwise, you're gonna have a hard time being yourself in life. That doesn't sound like fun to me. I don't know about anybody else. But okay, here's the good little story. I don't think I told this on the episode was straining. There's a friend of mine who got into this business as a courtesan earlier than I did. She had been doing it for few years. And when I started to do it, she told me a story about going on vacation. She had a client who really wanted to take her someplace nice. And she told him her ideal vacation, and I don't remember what it was. But it was something kind of hippie and woowoo, but really nice and fancy. And he decided he was going to fulfill her dream, he took her on this amazing vacation for a week. And she said the entire time that that she was there, it was so awkward, because she couldn't be the self that enjoyed that kind of vacation with that person. She couldn't be herself and really dig where she was, she couldn't fully expand into the new the new place, because she had this person along with her that needed to see her in a certain way. And that he was attached to seeing her in a certain way or she was attached to him seeing her in a certain way doesn't really matter. Either way, it was preventing her authentic self and her authentic enjoyment. I can't quite remember if I got off track there if that was a tangent, or if that was answering a question. So was that what you were asking? Latha

43:52
Yeah, I was just, you know, I've been I've been dating a lot since the pandemic. Well, it's not over. But some things have opened up. And I found that so many people are kind of in a rut coming out of being at home for so long. And they're lacking passion. I'm not talking about romantic passion. They're just they're lacking activity, hobbies or lacking topics to talk about. And when I may go into detail about what I do or what I do enjoy, or I feel like I'm outshining them, and it puts a damper on the situation.

Rebecca Beltran: 44:25
Yeah, it's a good thing to know, right? It's good thing to notice in a date, to feel like that intensity is not being met. Are you saying you're wondering how you can meet people that are a better match?

44:36
I think it's more of how to, I guess make it more seductive and make it more interesting, which without coming across as bragging or coming across as I don't know being too much.

Rebecca Beltran: 44:47
Yeah, that whole concept of too much is really gonna get you You're never too much for the right people. Right, exactly. The right people, but in terms of how to make it more seductive you Were your pleasure that you're getting out of the things that you're doing is how you make it seductive. If you take a list and you say, these are all of the things that I checked off this this week, these are all of the achievements that I've made, then that in some level puts you in competition or puts other people in competition with you when they hear it. Not everybody will. But most people will at least have a moment where they're like, Oh, what have I done? And then it just kind of kind of shines a light on they're not having what they want by Dave, nice to meet you. And instead of doing that, share the pleasure that you're getting out of it. What what is your favorite thing right now? Latha that you're passionate about?

45:39
I do a lot of community work, a lot of volunteer work. And so it I enjoy it very much. And I think I can come across as like too much of a do gooder.

Rebecca Beltran: 45:51
And what do you get out of it?

45:53
Oh, I get immense satisfaction out of it.

Rebecca Beltran: 45:55
Okay, tell me more about that.

45:56
Oh, no, I feel I feel like I'm making contribution and making the world a better place. I feel like I'm actually making a difference in one person's life. Practically, instead of just doing something about it theoretically, feel like it's work, I can continue doing for a long time on one level or the other, regardless of whether I have a lot of time to contribute to it, or just a little bit of time to contribute to it. And I think it's, it's something sustainable for me, that brings me It keeps me It brings me a lot of money. And like having a direct people impact on people's lives, which I really enjoy.

Rebecca Beltran: 46:29
Do you have a specific story about how much it means to you, I don't know

46:35
that the dates I've been on lately, I think people are, I find that I tend to, I tend to tend to keep quiet about this stuff. Because I don't feel like I'm meeting or I feel like I'm coming across as very intimidating in the beginning. And the average guys I'm meeting are going out on dates with where I live may not have much to reciprocate in terms of their passion outside of their work, I might

Rebecca Beltran: 47:01
challenge you on that. I think most guys have a lot more passion, they, they share it differently. And they share it in terms of care instead of passion. So whatever he spends a lot of time on a lot of passion for even he doesn't use those. But I think you're able to find a story that shares why you do what you do and how you make a personal connection and some of this work. That'll change it from a hey, look at all this stuff that I'm doing. Even if you're not actually saying that subconsciously, it seems to be the message that's coming across with the words. But more of a, I like to touch the world. This is how I like to touch it. And do you want to touch it with me? That kind of story? I think it'd be much more likely to find you the people that you really want that you're really excited to be dating not being like, well, they don't have that much energy, and they're not excited about life. Yeah,

47:55
I love that. Thank you, Rebecca. Yeah, yeah. And put

Rebecca Beltran: 47:59
some effort into finding a way because as you as you pay attention to the words that you're using, when you're describing things like that, you'll notice probably that the people you might have, you might tell the story to someone who you've already talked to who you already think thinks you're too much, and see if they react differently to because sometimes our perceptions of other people are more about our perceptions of them than they are about what's actually going on

48:26
with them. Right. Right. Right. Okay. Thank you. Yeah,

Rebecca Beltran: 48:30
I hope that's helpful.

48:31
I have a date tonight. I'll give it a try.

Rebecca Beltran: 48:33
Awesome. Have a great time. Yeah. I hope you enjoy this day.

48:37
Yeah, I know, it's probably late where people are at, I'm kind of at that happy hour point myself where it's like time for Russell, where can people find out more about you and everything that you're up to. And if they want to connect with you to go deeper into this stuff,

Rebecca Beltran: 48:50
you can find out more about me on my podcast at pleasure Central radio.com. And if you do find a story or something that you'd like to share on that website, on pleasure, Central radio.com There's a button at the bottom it says Send Rebecca a voicemail. And I would love to hear love to hear how your day goes. Latha Awesome.

49:08
Well, thank you guys for attending. For those of you in primary school, obviously, we always like hearing your feedback and you have requests for people that you've heard on the podcast that you would like to have come in and teach workshops, please definitely let us know. We're always looking for people to come and teach and you know, curating people and so, you know, we've built this community for you guys to like your ideas matter, you know, a lot in terms of influencing the choices that we make, you know, for all this, but you know, I think all of it is basically designed to to help you accomplish whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish with your creativity. Yeah. Well, thank you, Rebecca, so much for taking the time to join us and share all this with us. This has been really cool.

Rebecca Beltran: 49:43
It's my pleasure, and thanks for having me. Hey there pleasure seeker. Well, that's it for today's conversation here at pleasure central radio. We love using Conscious Communication, science geekery and copious amounts of true pleasure to to improve our partnerships, our money and our love lives, and we hope you do, too. If you loved what you heard here, we'd love a review. You can do this easily on podcast players like Spotify and Apple podcasts. It only takes a couple of seconds. And it's an easy way to help more people discover the show without you having to actually bring it up. To hear other episodes of the podcast and get notified immediately when a new episode is released. Follow me on your favorite podcast player, find out more and get in touch at pleasure Central radio.com. Your thought to ponder today is

50:32
people are drawn to people who do things and they're more attractive to us the people that are doing something that are getting out there and doing stuff that is different than everybody else does. Right off the bat. That's an attraction