Intro 00:00
Learn also to quit when it's time. Because not all businesses are your business. Sometimes you can be excited about something, and then start and spend a lot of money and time and energy and it's not working out. But you still gonna keep going because you have this false idea that you've already invested so much time and so much money and everyone knows about it. And you can't quit now, but learn how to quit.

Rebecca Beltran: 00:29
Hey, you, thanks for tuning in. Just a quick heads up this episode is rated R. So expect that there will be some language that you may not want your kids to hear lots of adult topics, and quite possibly some explicit conversations about sex. This episode is probably not safe for work, though. You know, I guess it depends on where you work.

Rebecca Beltran: 00:58
Everybody, and Hi, Lisa, welcome to pleasure central radio.

Lisa 01:02
Hey, hi, everybody.

Rebecca Beltran: 01:05
It's really good to have you here. I love having female entrepreneurs on my show and talking about how they've been able to make their the best life their ideal life, create the life that they really wanted, and do it in a way that feels perfect for them all along the way. And I know you have had some very interesting experiences I would love to talk about. Would you like to come on in and share some of your stories?

Lisa 01:29
Sure. Where do you want me to start?

Rebecca Beltran: 01:32
Okay, well, first of all, I had asked you a little bit before, what do you think is the most empowering topic to talk about right now for women. And you had mentioned being able to make your own money. Tell me what you mean by that?

Lisa 01:44
Yes, I would say being able to make your own money in an aligned way, in a way that feels good to you. And that feels empowering and leaves you time to actually live your life. I think that's very important.

Rebecca Beltran: 02:01
Now, I have known you for a while. So I know some of where this comes from. And I want to share this with the people that are listening, I want to be able to share your transformation with them. But right now you sound like this totally with it together together businesswoman that knows what she's doing. And has your life figured out? Have you felt like that? For as long as you can remember?

Lisa 02:25
No. And actually, I'm just pretending. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. But I just believe in it. And then I just keep going, even if I'm not sure. Because I believe in the way comes by doing. I have spent a lot of time just thinking and thinking and doing anything. But the only way to gain experience is to just go ahead and do it.

Rebecca Beltran: 02:48
Yeah. So yeah, bias to action. I like that. Yeah.

Lisa 02:51
So my story, I grew up in a culture where I was taught to that the men would be the provider who will provide for me, and all I had to do was take care of the house and take care of him. And pretty much submit to Him for everything. And I did that and it did not work out. I was abused. And then my mom on the other hand, she grew up probably in the same circumstances. But she learned to be independent. And she divorced when I was still very young. And she always taught me to make my own money to not trust men to not depend on anyone. So I was kind of torn between those two. So I went from my husband providing everything, to me providing everything and not trusting anyone in media worked for me. I was miserable. The first time and then the second time, I was still had like, not miserable, but so tired because I was working seven days a week and the whole weight of the planet on me and I didn't trust anyone to take care of me. And yeah, so I just had to find a balance. And I encourage everyone to find their own balance, what aligns the most for them.

Rebecca Beltran: 04:05
That sounds like that was really heavy for a long time. That was,

Lisa 04:08
but a lot of it now I would say, Yeah, I

Rebecca Beltran: 04:12
can see that. I think when we first met you were doing a house cleaning business. Yes,

Lisa 04:18
I was. Yeah, that's when I just left my husband.

Rebecca Beltran: 04:21
Tell me Tell me some of the evolutions of your house cleaning business as you were figuring out how to make working for yourself work for you.

Lisa 04:31
Originally, it was more of a survival thing. So I pretty much started working for another company. And I was getting paid by the hour. And they were telling me where to go and what to do. And after a while, I was like okay, why do I need someone to tell me where to go and what to do? I can do that on my own. So I decided to quit that company. And I was very very scared. Very scared. And yeah, so that was the first I quit something, and I became a quitter after that. And we just go ahead and go to the next evolution. So from then I started working for myself. And I was charging a little bit more than what that company was paying me because again, I was scared of charging more. And then I got tired of that. So I quit that too. And I just stopped working my rate. So that's my evolution, my evolution is go through something for a while, and then I would get fed up. And without any warning or anything, when the glass is full, I will just quit. I don't know what's gonna happen. It's just like, Okay, I have enough of this. And I quit. And everything just turns out for the best.

Rebecca Beltran: 05:41
It sounds like at least in some of those earlier experiences that you quitting was your way of upholding your own boundaries being like, this is what matters to me. It matters enough that I'm going to remove myself from the situation. And I trust myself enough to catch myself that I am going to move on even if it's a bit scary.

Lisa 05:58
Definitely, yes. Because life has taught me even when things look really bad, and really scary. There is always a way out. I mean, always end up working out. So yeah, that's how we live now. When I don't want something I don't want to put up with it. It just quit. People say just keep going. But you have to learn how to quit sometimes, too. Yeah,

Rebecca Beltran: 06:21
when it's best for you to quit? Definitely. How do you know? I mean, I'm sure there are situations when you want to quit and you know, staying is better for you. But how do you decide when it is better to move on from a situation than it is to continue to invest some time and let it be squandered?

Lisa 06:39
I listen to my heart, when it's time to do something, sometimes, if it's the wrong thing, I don't know how it is for other people. But for me, I just get very anxious. So all the jobs that I quit, or the business that I stopped doing, I would wake up in the morning and just thinking, just the idea of doing that thing would make me very, very anxious. And yeah, very unhealthy. And I learned to recognize that sign pretty early. And you can leave like that in you shouldn't. So that's my signal when I start getting very anxious about something. Yeah. Or if it's a relationship, whether it's a friend or a romantic relationship, if I start getting anxious when it's time to meet the person, or hang out or get on the phone, then that means it's them to let it go.

Rebecca Beltran: 07:31
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's interesting. I haven't really thought of it that way, especially around friendships. But thinking back through some of my formative relationships, that is a good way of describing the healthiest moving on that I found access to. Yeah, you know, one of the things that is so unique about being a female entrepreneur in this world, is I've had a couple of years in the corporate world. And I've worked for other people many different times. However, the rest of the work world is not really set up to respect women's bodies very well. And after working for myself for over a decade, and being able to plan my body around when my energy is the highest. And when I don't feel like I'm going to want to be seeing people making sure that there isn't stuff on my calendar. I know that we all have found our own individual ways of doing this, do you want to share with me some of the ways that you respect your feminine body through your work and plan around it so that you can keep it in its best shape?

Lisa 08:32
Okay, again, it comes to respecting your own your own rhythm and what your spirit tells you to do, because I had a job where I had a regular nine to five schedule, and it really didn't work for me. And that's one of the things I quit. So I know some people need a schedule, and they need regular, you know, regular routine. But for me personally, it doesn't work. So I sleep when I'm sleeping. I wake up when I wake up. So sometimes it looks really strange. Like I would go to bed at 7pm. And then I'm up at four because I'm not sleeping anymore. And then I got on my computer and work. And I just listened to my buddy like that. But I know not everyone can do that. But that's where I am. That's how I organized my life right now. I eat when I'm hungry, and controls my weight easily. I don't have my periods anymore, but I know that for women who still do, there is a time of the month where it's best to just rest but the way our schedules are made in the office, people can do that. Yeah, so I would encourage any woman if you have an opportunity to manage your own schedule, pay attention to your cycle. And you'll notice those moments when your energy is not up to par for work.

Rebecca Beltran: 09:59
You know, I I used to be really skeptical about that stuff. Because for years I would hear, this is how it's gonna feel at this time of the month, and it didn't reflect my reality at all. And so eventually I was like, okay, these people don't know what they're talking about, and just ignored everything about women's bodies. And then I came off of hornwort, hormonal birth control, I had been on hormonal birth control, first 10 years of my life pretty much by choice, and I really liked it, I was very happy with it. However, when I came off of it, all of a sudden, I was like, Oh, I do feel the way is that they were all talking about it these different times a month. Now I need to figure out how to manage this. So coming off of birth control was a surprising disruption in my life. But what it allowed me to do was to figure out how I was feeling and how to feel my best at all different times of the month, but also how to really take advantage of the best of being a woman, you know, taking advantage of the fact that when we're awfully ovulating, we kind of sparkle, you know, we tend to be really good at getting people to do things or asking for raises or submitting proposals and making them look really good. So being able to track and then to plan in order to support those energy swings. Once I came up with hormonal birth control, that was huge for me, and I didn't believe it was a real thing. Until then. I was 34 or something like that.

Lisa 11:27
That's true birth control, pretty much eliminate all these fluctuations in we don't even notice anymore, what's going on?

Rebecca Beltran: 11:36
Well, it makes it easier to fit into the man's world, because it eliminates a lot of the flux. Yeah. Yeah, that's one of the reasons I liked it so much.

Lisa 11:45
That's true. So it will be the solutions that taking birth control. That's, I mean, technically, yes. But seems like a drastic solution. I agree. Most women, I agree. Yeah. So is there any way around it for women who still have to take birth control? Well, I don't know.

Rebecca Beltran: 12:06
Yes, and no. So there's no like, absolutely works and is completely healthy for you and your body way. But depending on, you know, what matters to you. Maybe hormonal birth control is what's right for a little while. Personally, I still am not a fan. I've been off of it ever since. And I have a lot of sex with a lot of interesting people. So not being impregnated is high on my priority list. And I'm still too fertile to not to like risk that. But I just use condoms on a regular basis, and I use them very well. I haven't had a condom breaking years I use lube every time I use the right size condoms, I am very particular about that with everybody that I work with and talk with. But yeah, it is definitely a higher risk. However, the way I feel in my body is so different. And I kind of prefer to surf the waves of it, you know, it's it's almost like having some really nice wind over the bay. You can turn your body or your boat or your sail or whatever, a little bit so that you can catch that breeze. Or you can just let it go by and not really impacted.

Lisa 13:21
So pretty much society would work better if there was a better condom education, of just cuddling, birth control like that. Hell yes, I agree. I agree. I've noticed a lot of men don't even know that there are different sizes of condom. Why? So some would be like, Oh, condoms are too tight, like Hello. So many different sizes. And some seem to not even know, they don't know that there's different material, different sizes, different types of loops, there's so many options.

Rebecca Beltran: 13:52
Well, to be fair, especially to the older men, it's only been in the last five years or so that more than six sizes of condoms have been sold in the US. And there's a reason for that because the FDA only had six sizes of condom testing machines. So is that right? That's yeah, that's accurate. I know. Very strange. However, I think there was also this big educational push socially about any condom will fit you so use it anyway. Right? Because the guys will complain that they don't fit. I get it. It is better to say use a condom that doesn't fit terribly well than it is to say don't use a condom at all. But yeah, condom education. You're right on the medication matters.

Lisa 14:32
Yeah, I've never I don't think they do that. I mean, they probably teach the boys how to put on a condom. But yeah, we don't really know. All the details that we know more about because ultimately it affects us more.

Rebecca Beltran: 14:45
Yeah. And almost nobody knows about female condoms and how to use them.

Lisa 14:50
And you can't even find them at the pharmacy. I mean, maybe sometimes, but it's pretty rare. Still.

Rebecca Beltran: 14:55
That's true. I have to buy them on Amazon. Yeah, yeah. While

Lisa 14:59
so that's what We need not.

Rebecca Beltran: 15:02
Yeah, yeah, I mean, there's some other forms of birth control that have less of an impact on your body. You can have your ovary tube sterilize, you can have a copper IUD implanted instead of a hormonal IUD implanted. But to be honest, all of those have some effect, I use copper IUD works because it creates inflammation in your ovaries, and then you have inflammation in your body, which is not terribly great. Yeah. But there's lots of choices. Personally, really great condom education and lots of creative, enjoyable sexy times is how I deal with it. Yes, you can be very creative, having great sex without risking hardly anything. Yeah, speaking up, I had an interesting situation recently where it took me a while after to think about why it makes a difference. But I had this lover, who was fairly inexperienced, and they were they were having that what they thought of as a performance issue. But what I was like oh, is of course, you don't have very much practice with that particular body part stimulating that one. So you don't know what that sensation feels like. Because think about it. It's very different. In dexterity and sensation, whether it's a mouth or a hand or a per se or something. Definitely. And if you like a certain type of stimulation, certain type of speed to get off. It's gonna be different with different body parts. So yeah, it takes some adjustment and some learning to feel a little bit differently than you're used to, I

Lisa 16:41
think, especially men, where I've know, a lot of experience, they're used to masturbating a lot. So yeah, they used to the hand sensation, and not the rest. Yeah. Yeah. I think some adjustments. Yeah, I never thought of it that way.

Rebecca Beltran: 16:58
I think women have a correlation, right? We're used to quite often either vibrator or something. Clara says, and thanks can't go that.

Lisa 17:09
We have to adjust for sure.

Rebecca Beltran: 17:10
Yeah. But it can be a really fun process exploring.

Lisa 17:13
Yeah. I think there is something about learning to appreciate different sensations, not just one thing. So every different type of touch or body part or position has a different feel.

Rebecca Beltran: 17:25
Yeah, so yeah. Speaking of is there any particular body part that makes you feel the most feminine and connected to your divine? femininity?

Lisa 17:38
My hips? Yeah, yeah. My hips do.

Rebecca Beltran: 17:41
So as hips don't lie.

Lisa 17:44
Hips Don't Lie. I don't know. They make me feel grounded. And so I have I have been through a lot of weight gain, gain and then loss. And I feel like my hips were the most stable part of my body. I don't know, for some reason. Yeah. Yeah. I've always. That's the part that I've always been okay, with. That's the part that always been consistent. And keeps me grounded. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, that's a strange question, but I never thought about it that way. Why would it be a hipster?

Rebecca Beltran: 18:20
Well, hips are a very central body part. And for years and art that outline of the, not the statuesque woman, but the woman with the small boobs and the giant hips. That was the ideal for Tarot child rearing, right? So it was the ideal feminine form at some point.

Lisa 18:42
It feels like my hips are too narrow, but still don't fit. See even though that's my favorite part. I still feel like something is wrong with them. Because I have this image just like you said the fertility image. wider hips. I don't have wide hips. Still, it's my favorite but it

Lisa 19:12
supported me?

Rebecca Beltran: 19:13
Yeah, I'm tempted to ask how your hips give you pleasure physically because that feels like the next logical question.

Lisa 19:21
But it won't give me pleasure physically. That's not the allow me to use my legs properly. I can sit, I can stand up. They help support my back my abs. I just make when people say the car is used, you know? I don't feel like it's my stomach. I feel like my my call is around my hips. That's what keeps me stable. So it's not about the pleasure thing. It's about being anchored in my body.

Rebecca Beltran: 19:51
Yeah, that's cool.

Lisa 19:53
I don't have a clitoris so I can really use that part for pleasure. So really I don't know. Don't learn self pleasure.

Rebecca Beltran: 20:03
Would you tell me more about not having a clitoris?

Lisa 20:06
i It was excited. When I was a baby. That's part of my culture. That is not practiced anymore. But unfortunately for me it still was when I was growing up. So it happened. That does not stop me from experiencing pleasure will just not self pleasure. Okay, yeah, I'm happier with a partner. Okay. Yeah.

Rebecca Beltran: 20:32
So the pleasure and the orgasms that she received, are they utero orgasms? Do you know or G Spot Orgasm just but

Lisa 20:44
I would say also probably cervix. Okay. Yes. And also, I have a little part of me, the internal part of my clitoris is still there. Oh, it's just hidden. So my partners have to be creative and find it, which is pretty fun. Because I used to tell them, Oh, I don't have a cleat and then try to prepare them for that. But I stopped doing that maybe 10 years ago. I don't say anything in the sun figured out. I would say most of them though.

Rebecca Beltran: 21:16
Yeah. You must have the

Lisa 21:19
finger, just like right here. Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. It works. It works for everyone. They appreciate it. Yeah. And I gave them

Rebecca Beltran: 21:30
a little bit of clarity is a wonderful thing when you're trying to make someone happy, right? Yeah,

Lisa 21:34
I just showed them. So instead of saying something, that's awesome.

Rebecca Beltran: 21:37
Okay, so you're saying the part of the clitoris that's inside is still there? Like, like the wings? Like the part that goes along? By the legs? Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Lisa 21:46
So I have to direct them. So they don't they don't spend too much time trying to figure out what's going on.

Rebecca Beltran: 21:54
I can see some poor guy down there going, I swear it's here somewhere. Where did it go?

Lisa 21:58
Yeah, it did feel sometimes they try here and then trying there and nothing is happening. And yeah, like, go right here.

Rebecca Beltran: 22:08
Okay, this brings up a really good point, I was talking with somebody yesterday, who is a dakini. And she works a lot with couples that are older. And one of the issues with older couples who have been together for a long time, is often he says he's not getting enough sex. And she says she's not getting enough pleasure out of this ex. And a lot of times, she doesn't know how to tell him. Like, I need you to be doing this, especially if they've been married forever, because he hasn't figured it out yet. Except he thinks he's got something figured out. Right, but not what's making her happy. So it seems to me like directing someone towards what actually does bring you pleasure, especially when they're confused or uncertain. Could be a little bit of a landmine, I think, how have you learned to work around that?

Lisa 23:04
Just by doing it again. I used to not say anything when I was married. So with my first husband, I wasn't saying anything and probably dislike that lady. Things weren't happening that way. But now throughout the years, I just, I can't really say so I pretty much show them instead of saying okay, I would grab his hand and just put his finger right where I want it to go. Yeah. Oh, if it's the tongue, I would grab his head and just direct the tongue wherever I want it to be. And usually that would catch on right away.

Rebecca Beltran: 23:42
Yeah, yeah. Is anybody ever resist being told? It happens

Lisa 23:46
every once in a while, but then they just don't get invaded in my bed again. So

Rebecca Beltran: 23:52
I gotta say, that is probably the best reaction to that. Sorry. Yeah, thank you.

Lisa 23:58
Yeah, I mean, I don't blame them or anything. It's everyone has their own style in the bedroom. You know, sometimes it works out. And sometimes it doesn't. And if I show them and they don't want to go there, or we're not interested, I feel like maybe there will be better. We will never partner. Not me.

Rebecca Beltran: 24:17
Yeah, that sounds exactly right to me.

Lisa 24:21
There is no need to blame anyone.

Rebecca Beltran: 24:23
Yeah. Find someone who's buttons you do push. Exactly.

Lisa 24:27
Well, in the case of the husband and wife, then they have to make it work. So yeah, they didn't have to figure it out. If if she can say maybe she can show him. Hopefully it works out.

Rebecca Beltran: 24:40
I like that. I think the key element to that working though is actually her enjoying what he does. Yeah, right. Like if she's like, Okay, do this. And he's like, Well, okay, there's something changing. I don't know. I can't tell if this is making her happy or not. then it's easy for him to feel like you're just picking on him.

Lisa 25:03
The thing is that she know what makes her happy, though. Like, if she doesn't know exactly what pleases her, it's gonna be really hard to show him. That's the thing too.

Rebecca Beltran: 25:14
So I usually suggest a game, that they start kind of some kind of like a playful game, and then they tell each other when they're playing it. So they can just be playful and explore. But the game helps them expand a little bit more and feel a little bit differently and communicate better because communication matters does this

Lisa 25:35
ideally, before getting there? Before

Rebecca Beltran: 25:44
so you have had a really interesting growing up experience and a really interesting adulthood. And I know that you're wanting to be the best example for everyone out there that you can be what, what do you think are three of the most important things that women entrepreneurs need to know right now, in order to stay in that empowered, aligned place?

Lisa 26:10
Trust yourself, because a lot of time you're gonna follow direction and people around, you won't believe in it. So just keep believing in yourself. Second, even though you trust yourself, learn also to quit when it's time. Because not all businesses are your business. Sometimes you can be excited about something, and then start and spend a lot of money and time and energy and it's not working out. But you still gonna keep going because you have this false idea that you already invested so much time and so much money, and everyone knows about it, and you can quit now, but learn how to quit. That's super important. And learn how to rest. Also, if you are tired, if you don't know you're not sure what you're doing or things are not working out, you can take some time to just rest in do nothing. In the things will redirect. Yeah. Those are the three things that are very important.

Rebecca Beltran: 27:16
Like us. Yeah, that's what I've been really helpful to have early in my career, too. Yeah.

Lisa 27:22
So what do you do to this now?

Rebecca Beltran: 27:24
What do I do to rest? Right now I spend a lot of time outside watching the animals in my yard. I did not know so many things about crows and squirrels and bugs and spider webs. But I've been learning and listening and watching and enjoying seeing that, you know, nature, parent, not nature parable, but seeing that story of nature play out right there in front of me. And so much of it is playful to like, a lot. A lot of nature. resists wasting energy. But still there is play, which makes me think play is not any kind of a waste of energy in nature. sighs I'm glad I am playing a lot more than I used to.

Lisa 28:15
Yeah, that's something you told me. Yeah. When things don't work out instead of just sitting there and stressing up go play? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it works, usually helps unblock situations.

Rebecca Beltran: 28:31
Yeah. Yeah. I've always loved that feeling of being a bit of a rebel and succeeding my way, regardless of what other people think about it. Because then it is fun. It's like, yeah, sometimes things are hard. But it never is so hard that I'm crushed. It's always just Oh, yeah. Okay. I haven't found a solution to this yet. But when I put it in my play box, I will.

Lisa 28:56
And it is different when it's hard by your own choice, because it's something that you want to do versus hurt because you're doing some what some somebody else wants you to do. Yes, definitely doesn't feel this thing.

Rebecca Beltran: 29:09
Very much. Yeah. Well, thank you very much, Lisa, for being on the show.

Lisa 29:14
Thank you. Yeah. Thanks for inviting me.

Rebecca Beltran: 29:17
I loved having you here. And I'm sure we'll check back in some point. All right. Goodbye,

Lisa 29:20
everybody.

Rebecca Beltran: 29:24
Hey there pleasure seeker. Well, that's it for today's conversation here at pleasure central radio. We love using Conscious Communication, science geekery and copious amounts of true pleasure to improve our partnerships, our money and our love lives. And we hope you do too. If you loved what you heard here, we'd love a review. You can do this easily on podcast players like Spotify and Apple podcasts. It only takes a couple of seconds. And it's an easy way to help more people discover the show without you having to actually bring it up with your other app. Besides the podcast and get notified immediately when a new episode is released, follow me on your favorite podcast player. Find out more and get in touch at pleasure Central radio.com Your thought to ponder today is

Lisa 30:12
Trust yourself. A lot of time you're gonna follow a direction and people around you won't believe in it. So just keep believing in yourself.