Josh: [00:00:00] I think the part of it that really speaks to me and that's been really successful for me is that you seem to see the other people in my life. Not as a denouncement of my love for you threat. That's an affirmation of my love that that love is that.

Rebecca: Hey you, thanks for tuning in just a quick heads up this episode is rated R so expect that there will be some language that you may not want your kids to hear lots of adult topics and quite possibly some explicit conversations about sex. This episode is probably not safe. Oh, I guess it depends on where you work.

Shawn: Hello, Radiant Rebecca.

Rebecca: Hey there Shawn.

Shawn: We are once again here in Pleasure Central Radio studio and it's even more intimate today in so many ways because we have your friend Josh [00:01:00] with us.

Rebecca: Not just my friend, one of my new partners.

Shawn: You're a new partner, Josh. Hi Josh.

Josh: Hello everyone.

Shawn: And that's what we're here to talk about.
Let's talk about this budding relationship. Let's talk about some of the fun things that you've discovered about yourself and about each other. Let's talk about some of the lessons that the rest of us may be able to glean out of some of this, and we're just going to have a good time today.

Rebecca: It sounds like just what I was hoping for.

Shawn: Well, then we're on the right track. So how did you guys meet?

Josh: We met on dating app. We were just both looking and both found.

Rebecca: Yeah, I think his introductory message to me, it was something about one of my favorite TV shows and authors that I had put on there as Terry Pratchett. And so he asked me how I had enjoyed the end of the season of that particular show.
And that was very clever because I'm a huge direct pressure fan. So we definitely got my attention. Yeah. [00:02:00]
Shawn: Okay, so we didn't talk about that in pre-production here. So that actually strikes me as less than number one, men, women. When you're on dating apps, read their bio on something on their bio. Hey, sup is not really the best way to capture their attention.
Rebecca: Nobody has time for, Hey, what's up anymore.
Shawn: So Terry Pratchett, so you have a sense of humor.
Josh: You'd have to, I'm standing on two yoga blocks just to meet you guys. As I contact,
Rebecca: that's funny, actually, a couple of weeks ago, I was at a, a practice group of tango dancers. And, uh, I have brought about half of the people that were at that group and they're all tall. And the person who organized it is not very tall. And she's standing there with me and like six other people. I introduced to the group and we're all over six foot [00:03:00] and she's just like, you made us all feel so short
Shawn: simply because he invited the top people. I invited
Rebecca: the top people. I see. Yeah. Someone said, I think you have a thing for tall people. And I said, no, I think they have a thing for me.
Shawn: I'm not sure it's tall so much as just your magnetic personality as well.
Josh: Um, so are you saying she's just spaghetti fighting everyone around her spaghetti when you approach a black hole and you stretch out
Rebecca: that was such a nerdy joke. Yeah. When you come close to a black hole, you get a long gated
Josh: space changes because the closer something is the faster it's getting pulled.
So your head would be getting pulled towards the black hole faster than your feet were getting pulled. So you start.
Shawn: And therefore you're taller. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, if that could be part of it, I don't think we just are calling you the black hole though. I prefer Radiant [00:04:00] Rebecca.
Rebecca: I think I prefer reading.
Shawn: So you meet online, you send a clever message and suddenly the conversation gets struck up. And, um, how did the first time meeting go?
Josh: Well, it was some months later as we talked for a time and then. I just lost all radio contact with Radiant Rebecca. And then some months later she came back and said, I'm so sorry.
I fell off something.
Rebecca: I had broken my arm. That's right. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't just fall off the map. I felt like.
Josh: And when you set up a. I think within the week after that, because over those months I'd learned that I was tired of talking online,
Rebecca: ready to meet
Josh: up in person. Yeah. Mental I'd had some good responses from just going, Hey, why don't we get off this thing and just [00:05:00] meet in person. Let's figure out how scary I am.
An oil.
Rebecca: And he actually, he had been telling me about a park that he loved and I love parks. I love city parks. I love all kinds of parks. And I was like, I'd be game to see another really cool park, especially if it is as cool as you say it is. So he invited me for a picnic in the park and offered to pick me up and drop me off.
And that was, that was the beginning.
Shawn: I had such a different vision of. Uh, first date, uh, two people that connect, uh, through Terry Pratchett would actually look like, like I can just imagine. And I sit on my wizard, search the desserts doorsteps and decided, yeah. Wow. Okay. Well, that's cool. You went to a park.
I know that you could probably spend like a couple hours on this, Josh, but what did you like about Rebecca?
Josh: Well, I like that she was. Yeah, that goes a really long way. It's hard to keep communication. [00:06:00] It's hard to feel like a person's lying when they go, Hey, by the way, I'm a cortison. Where are you going to go from there?
As far as lies go honest. Yes. It makes communication a lot easier when you don't have to second. Guess what they're saying? When you can take that at face value and start acting upon that rather than going first, is that true? And then going, okay. What do I do with what I think is true now that I've second guessed the hell out of them?
Rebecca: Yeah, that is very different.
Josh: Yeah. So another layer of extra.
Shawn: We've talked about a lot of times in this show about how important that is to Radiant Rebecca. So I can imagine that she would be attracting somebody that would be important to them as well. What else?
Josh: I like somebody who appreciates a lot of the same things as I do, because otherwise it just sucks that air, when you're trying to have a conversation, [00:07:00] sci-fi fantasy outdoors.
Just over analyzing
Shawn: things, you need to beat a dead Bush, but finding somebody that also appreciates Terry Pratchett is like, that's pretty damn cool. Like right off the bat, you're going to get an idea of that, like their irreverence and their sense of humor and you know, like how they operate and, you know, kind of that whole.
In general in general, you know, attitude and just like, yeah, that's the way it goes.
Rebecca: Well, speaking of irreverence and humor and, uh, all of that, actually I think I was our second date and he quoted a 10 mention song to me. That was so funny. He's Tim mentioned as an artist and a comedian that I've known about for a long, long time.
I've introduced a ton of people to dimension, so cool. So
Shawn: you go on your first. You've been talking about for a couple of months, like on and off, it sounds like. Right. And now how long have you been seeing each other
Josh: for about seven months of substandard? June.
Shawn: That's the end of June. So it seems to be going pretty well.
Josh: [00:08:00] Yeah. I like to think so. And now we're living
Shawn: together. Nice. So in Josh, are you, we all on the program know that Rebecca is polyamorous and do you consider yourself polyamorous as
Josh: well? I do. And it's been a really great journey.
Shawn: Great journey for you. Okay. I like that. Is this something new for you?
Josh: It is.
It's actually my first romantic relationship. And I decided to just jump into the deep end because why not?
Shawn: And when we first started talking about your introduction into apple, we were talking about one of the statements that one of you made was that one of the things that you liked about this relationship was a thought around the statement of how you love is enough.
Rebecca, we just got done recording an introduction for an episode that you did with Wendy about partner have to have, and in the half the house, I'm thinking about the story, going back to meeting mom in the halfway house. I remember part of your half to have as was that you don't like to be hidden [00:09:00] when you were talking about your relationship.
And you said that one of the things that kind of pops out to both of you is how you love as enough. What did that mean to
Rebecca: you? To me is a reminder that we can only be as open-hearted as we can be. We can only give as much as we can be and being conscious and aware of that limit is and sharing that with other people is a beautiful thing.
Actually, I think often in the monogamy culture, not being able to give somebody everything that you have or not being able to commit fully is often seen as a bad thing. And in this case, it's not. I think I would like more people to see that as it's okay to love, or to have the space for someone in your life.
Only as much as you do, you, you don't have to force yourself to have more space for someone or force yourself to try and be everything for them, just because you want to be everything for them. [00:10:00]
Shawn: Josh, how does that statement ring true for you?
Josh: I think it's really important that people understand that they are.
If necessarily not the stereotype or the ideal of whatever it is they're trying to be. And they need to understand that being the best them, that they could be doesn't necessarily mean that's going to be the same from day to day. That being the best you can at any given point has to be enough for yourself, even more than for your.
Rebecca: Yeah. And I think this really points to a lot of self of who you are is enough, not just how you love, how you love is a natural expression of who you are. You are enough wherever
Shawn: you are. Yeah. And when I heard you make that statement about each other, that what you appreciate is that [00:11:00] how you love as enough.
I immediately, we just got done recording the introduction to the partner, have to house. And that was a great conversation with Wendy, where we talked about the importance of talk, really honing down and getting clear about what it is that you want, not only what you want, but also what you have to offer.
And so when I heard you say how I love as enough, there was a couple of things that I thought were kind of great about that one being that requires that you know, what you have to offer because you know what you're able to do. Um, requires some communication of course, with your partner. And then the other thing that I really liked about it was that it kind of helps to let go of the sheds and by the sheds, I mean like the sheds of what you think a partner should be in what society says a partner should be, and what religion says, a partner should be an, anything else as a partner should be.
And you can say here, this is what I have. And then you'll [00:12:00] find the right person who says, yeah, that's enough how you love as enough. I thought that was a really great way to put that
Josh: because quite often I find that people are in the right to begin with and then they should all over the good stuff that they had.
Shawn: Exactly. And what this does, having that Stephen B kind of the over, you know, a nice theme to a relationship. What that does is. It brings, it's not just about polyamory. It's not about monogamy it, regardless of what lifestyle you choose. That whole thought of how I love as enough is really a great piece to live by.
I think what I really liked about that statement was, and again, tying this into that episode that we just finished. What I liked about the partner house. The launce was part of it was actually come to terms with what we individually can give to a partner as well. And the whole thought of how you love as enough to me [00:13:00] that says a couple of things.
One, it says that there's somebody out there, whether whatever lifestyle you choose, whether it's polyamorous or whether it's monogamous, there's so many. That or the right person. Let's put it this way. The right person for you will be somebody that recognizes you as how you love as enough. The other thing that it says to me is that if you don't know yourself, how you love, then how you love will never be enough because there's never, you'll never know.
And therefore finding the person that actually is able to accept how you love can be more difficult.
Josh: If you don't ask the right questions, every answer feels wrong.
Shawn: So going back to this thought of how you love as enough, how did that present itself? And I mean, of course, seven months down the road, you understand, and you're still together and living together because you recognize that what your partner offers you is what you're looking for in that partner and vice versa, what was happening in your life and what has been happening to kind of lead you to that space of Rebecca?
[00:14:00] I recognized how I love is enough. And Josh is really cool with that. And Josh feels the same way. So what was going on to kind of lead to that?
Rebecca: So what was going on for both of us is we had different people who still had a very, very big part of our thoughts of our day of our heart. And I was doing a lot of grieving of my person.
Josh was doing a lot. Not grieving so much, but he understood that the grief that I was going to, and he was able to recognize it for what it was. I didn't have anything to do with him. You know, something that I needed to do for myself. And he was able to hold that space for me really well, uh, throughout the last seven months.
And I think what we were both looking for when we found each other. We were looking for a kind of companion type [00:15:00] relationships, someone to spend a lot of time with maybe nesting relationships to have a home with or a house with. And it was like, it's different. I mean, we're both Pauline. So the way we look at looking for a house in a home partnership is different.
You're not necessarily looking for who am I gonna spend the rest of my life within now? Where's our caseloads. Or just like, Hey, how can we build a really lovely life together with someone that we really, really like? And Hey, look, there's more than just like, there, there's actually a lot of really beautiful, deep feelings, but it's being allowed to blossom in the time and space that it has instead of being forced into this idea of what a relationship should look like.
And so could all say that we have started a little bit more. Well roommate's sounds platonic and it's not, but you started more as wanting to be roommates and having that grow into a relationship. And I dunno, what do you think? [00:16:00]
Josh: I think the part of it that really speaks to me and that's been really successful for me is that you seem to see the other people in my life that are.
Not as a denouncement of my love for you, not as a threat. And that's an affirmation of my love that that love is that, that it's not some mask.
Rebecca: Yeah. And I don't demand that it's all there for me.
Shawn: So here we are six or seven months into it. And I'll start with Josh this time. Josh, tell me a story of one of the best times that you've had with.
Josh: Well, we've had some great ones this summer, which was a scorcher. We ended up not being able to spend any time with anybody else because a person in my social group got exposed to COVID. And so I was trying to stay away from them. And so just the two of us, we went out to a swimming hole and I happened to know about up near the place where I grew [00:17:00] up and had a lovely day and the sun.
Rebecca: Yeah, it was wonderful. The picnic and everything
Josh: picked up blackberries along the way.
Rebecca: Yeah, that's great.
Shawn: All right. I got to get a little deeper into this because here's the thing Josh grew up in a small town, just like I did y'all know. I grew up about it's pretty much upper polar bears are active in the winter time.
And Josh knew of a swimming hole on what Creek is. Do you remember the name
Josh: of that? Oh, gosh, it's one just north of Bryant, Washington. Okay.
Shawn: So if you're on the Centennial trail and you had north out of Bryant cross, And I've seen this because I used to bike that show on the right side of that bridge. If you're heading north on the right side of that bridge is a spot where the skirt comes to.
And I said, dude, you car. I said, Crick, that Creek, that shows you exactly how I write anyway. So this Crick comes down and does a little turn right there. And so there's an Eddy with a nice little [00:18:00] swimming hole right there. So this is, I just thought that was like a cool part of this whole story. Is that it wasn't just, oh yeah.
We went swimming and found a Blackberry. No, this is like a really like cool back hole, swimming, backyard, swimming hole. Okay.
Rebecca: And then nobody knows about really
Shawn: skinny dipping.
Josh: I have not this time, not this
Rebecca: time, there were occasionally people walking across the bridge, so we respected their privacy in ours.
Shawn: I might've been one of those people at some point looking on my bike and like, oh, look at those naked people, then I can recognize
Rebecca: them.
Shawn: Don't I know her. Wow. She's oh, wait. Okay. And Rebecca, so tell us, um, tell us one of your,
Rebecca: one of my favorites. Well, that actually was one of my favorite soup getting to go to a swimming hole.
I grew up in the desert and so swimming out in the woods. It's not something that ever happened. So it was neat to both get to experience some of the neighborhood that he grew up in and to see that and to [00:19:00] listen to the stories that he has about growing up in that area and what that was like. But, um, yeah, one of my other favorite.
It's actually a similar time. We were super warm. His city was pretty hot and there was no air conditioning in my apartment. So we were trying to figure out what can we do with our Sunday afternoon, where we're not going to stay in this apartment and just sweat to death, but go outside. It's pretty hot out there too.
So I ended up taking you to one of my favorite parks, which was up the hill from obese. And in the middle of a bunch of shade of some very, very tall trees. So there's quite a good convection of cool air there. And I didn't realize this, but I think that was like the second time you made out in public or something,
Josh: it was the first time we'd moved out in public.
Rebecca: Yeah. And it wasn't super public. We were in some trees. [00:20:00] Somebody did walk by and see us though. It was pretty funny, but yeah, that whole. And mainly, I think it was fun for me because we were spending the day together and I was trying to figure out how we could enjoy ourselves more. And so we kept asking myself, what do I want?
What would feel better? What do I want, what would it be nice for? And I kept thinking someplace cool, and some things where we can be together and see something interesting. And, and that just happened to be where I was led
Josh: close. We were on that time constraint, because that was the day when I was going to visit a friend afterwards.
Rebecca: Yeah. Parameters are helpful for ending happens.
Shawn: Everybody thinking about what they want and saying what they want is very helpful, so
Josh: helpful
Rebecca: makes such a difference.
Shawn: Nice. And so what else, any other stories you wanna share?
So everybody knows. I said that knowing that there was more stories that they wanted to share, [00:21:00]
Rebecca: are you beating the witness?
Josh: Oh,
Rebecca: oh yeah. Um, let's the other stories. There's other good stories. The story of meetings, some of his family was pretty cool. Yeah. So after we went. I was wondering if there was someplace nearby, we could get nectarines and cause it happened to be the season for them. And Josh was like, well, I, my mom has some jewelry tree in her backyard.
So we ended up going over and seeing his mom. And so they got to meet me. And that was pretty cool. I do remember on the drive over. I was talking to him about like, okay, do we need to be disagreed about anything here? And he said, you know, just be whoever you are, be yourself, be where you want to be. And so when his mom asked me like 10 minutes in to meeting her, what I do for a [00:22:00] living, I told her, I told her that I basically go on dates of orgasms and make art as a court is.
She was a little surprised thinking back. And then she just paused and said, wait, did I sound hire you? And I said, no, no, he did not. And that was pretty much the end of it. I don't think I've had any surprising questions from them since, but you have, you've had some questions for them.
Josh: Yeah. Mainly to the same degree that I think you get from people now.
Are you safe? Are you happy? For you more than me. Apparently.
Shawn: I think those are important questions to ask of anybody. I mean the whole side of, are you safe? Are you happy? Right? As is. That's a question I actually not to, but I don't ask safe when I started dating somebody, but I in I'll ask them if they're happy or if they, you know, if I, if, if, if history has come up and they've talked about it, you know, [00:23:00] and I remember one in particular talked about that she had had multiple boyfriends and, you know, been through a lot of relationships and that sort of thing.
And I, I flat out asked her, so do you like men? Huh? It's a very important question, because if she's not happy, she's going to be looking. If Rebecca's not happy, she's looking for something from you likely to fill that happiness. And that's just starts out as a recipe for disaster. I agree. Good questions that mom had.
Josh: How were the.
Rebecca: There actually weren't any more victories, there was a tree, but it wasn't right yet. It was still too small. So we went over there and didn't get our net greens, but we got plenty of other things, wipers and blood grace.
So the other story that I like to tell is interesting for me, because there's, there's a couple of fantasies that I've had for many years. And two of them, Josh has helped me fulfill this year, which is pretty cool. One of them is a fantasy. I had a threesome with two guys [00:24:00] that left me and Josh was one of those guys for that threesome.
Then, uh, another one of my friends and occasional lovers was the other person. And it was really cool. There was, there's so many lovely things about that. I, I have a lot of reasons because of my work and because I'm poly and that's just kinda how I roll, but I think this was probably one of the best I've ever had.
And a lot of it was just because we were so conscious and aware, and everyone was genuinely interested in each other and curious and wanting to explore. Also, it seemed like everyone felt very safe and comfortable saying where their boundaries were and their edges were, and we never bumped up against any of that.
So, um, yeah. I don't know. It's just a beautiful, fun, sexy adventure with people that I really care about and they really care about [00:25:00] me and it was so satisfying.
Josh: It was wonderful. I mean, like we've mentioned earlier in this, this is my first romantic relationship and this was maybe six weeks into it. And so this has been somewhat of a whirlwind, but in absolutely the best direction,
Rebecca: definitely a whirlwind.
Shawn: Well, one of the things that I liked when you were telling, talking about that story is how the communication that you had with the third party that you had with Josh and that you all had with each other.
And. Well, I thought it was nice about that was when that person came over. Like it wasn't just about just like, okay. Here's, here's how we go. Just like Chuck, Chuck took step one, step two, step three. I think you said you've watched a movie. Like you guys were all in that and you're kind of just chilling and having a nice time.
And then things just kind of, you could feel the connection grow
Rebecca: and then yeah, we made dinner together. We watched a movie, so it was a few hours [00:26:00] of hanging out together before. Like we were talking about consent and what we needed from each other at the time, just before dinner. And then we were spending time together and getting to know each other and enjoying being in each other's space.
And yeah, it was lovely.
Oh, that reminds me. There was an episode a couple of weeks ago, where a couple interviewed me, Christine, Steve is really lovely. Couple who have a show called. It goes both ways. And they asked me to give them some homework to improve their sex life. And I did, and I have been doing the homework myself with Josh.
The homework that I gave them in the first part of the homework was to have her give him a book. But to only do things that felt pleasurable to her during that time. That was really fun. I'm curious. Do you want to hear how it went?
Josh: Well, I find [00:27:00] that, and this may sound insulting at first, but I promise it's not that it wasn't all that different because I haven't found that Rebecca does anything of that nature for any reason, other than.
There's there's yeah, there's never a time when you're like, okay, get in. And so the, the only thing that really changed was that you were going into it with that intention rather than just with that passive understanding that yeah, I'm doing this because I want to, and we all, we're all going to die in a blow job.
Fantastic.
Rebecca: That is a good quote. Thank you. I recognize that one. Amanda Pullman. Okay. So you said it wasn't that different. What was different though?
Josh: Well, aside from the position never did down the couch before. I think we kind of went into it with like a more intentioned mindset, like quite often, you know, sex [00:28:00] kind of occurs and whatever is what we're doing and go, Ooh, let's try that.
Like, Ooh, let's try that this time we went into it with let's do this. Like we're doing this. I mean, of course, with consent on both sides beforehand, you know, would you like to do this, but now we're doing this until this is done and this was done.
It was done. I think, I think that statement stands on its own. And I think both of you of blushes stand on their own too. And I do believe I'm winning.
Rebecca: Have you ever had any of those jobs like that, where she gave you the blow job? Just for her Pleasure?
Shawn: No, I can't say that. I have, I think that's an interesting way to do it.
I've done the whole thing of, uh, you know, as far as communication, like you tell me what feels. And vice versa back and forth. We've [00:29:00] done that before, never with a spot of, you know, what, I'm just going to do what I think I want. It's interesting idea. Why do you think that that works? Just spice things up?
Rebecca: Here's there's two reasons why I think this works the first reason that we often forget, especially if we watch porn, because porn has a tendency to make us feel like what looks good is what feels good. It's usually not the case, but what feels good for you? Usually feels good for our partners. And in my experience, it is a way bigger pay off to figure out what feels good for me than to try and imagine what I think is going to make them happy and do that.
So I look for what feels good to me first. And when you look for what is genuine pleasure for you, first, whoever you're with is very likely going to react to your pleasure. And that's a good thing.
Shawn: Far more turned on when I know that she's having a good time, then [00:30:00] when I'm trying to figure out what will make her have a good time or any of the thought process goes into that.
So that makes a lot more sense.
Josh: Yeah. And it will validate you as a person to be like, oh, I'm desired at the moment.
Shawn: It does. I think it asks the intensity. We were talking about the Kenosha book earlier in the four levels of orgasm and the fourth level of orgasm where all of that is at it's in the connection.
It's in the complete vibe with the other. Yeah. All different levels. Yeah. So three things. Number two, that was number one. Number two
Rebecca: for the homework. Number two was that for, for the couple, he was supposed to go down on her for 15 minutes and her job was to communicate to him using only seven words, faster, slower, harder, softer, more Sabree less than three.
That's it for 15 minutes. And then the third piece was for them to spend time [00:31:00] together or sorry for them to spend 30 minutes a week separate from each other, doing something that they really wanted to do for themselves.
And we haven't done the rest of that homework yet. We kind of spend time separately doing all the
Josh: things anyway. And you, when I'm going down on you, you don't even use seven words, hand signals,
Rebecca: guiding cones here,
Josh: slow down hand, or the speed of hand or
Rebecca: the.
Let's
Josh: see, that's awesome. Like reach for something that was right. That was good.
Shawn: So, and that's why that, that's why this popped into your mind is because this is all about the communication piece and all about the connection piece that you have of the, when we were talking about earlier. So, um, I think that's fantastic.
Well, Josh, I am happy to get to [00:32:00] know you a little bit better, and I'm sure the people that are listening here feel the same way. So I appreciate you being on
Josh: well, I appreciate you guys having me.
Rebecca: And it's always fun to have sexy men's Christian in my closet with me. So thank you both for joining us, but now it's
Josh: time to come out of the closet.
I'm sure that joke has never been made before. I'm going to show
Rebecca: sounds like it makes it every other episode.
Shawn: Thanks again, Josh. Rebecca, you are. Thank you so much. Thanks for the absurd. See how the next
Rebecca: one? Excellent. Can't wait. I can't believe I'm getting sort of shy.
Josh: It's fun to watch,
like legitimately look at her face.
Shawn: The tight
Rebecca: closet, tiny recording
Shawn: city. I was trying to come up with something a little more, a little more congenial, but yes, the tight closet studio [00:33:00] Pleasure Central Radio.
Catharina: Thanks for listening to Pleasure Central Radio hosted by Rebecca Beltran. The co-host for this episode is Shawn. The guest today was job technical production by me, Catarina with advice from our podcast consultant, Sandy waters, Rebecca gets significant creative feedback from her beta listener group. For this episode.
Special. Thanks goes to Jody. And Chris, and to anyone else who might have missed your love, curious to hear some of the songs mentioned by Rebecca, Josh, and show, we've created a Spotify playlist with all of the songs. So you could easily pop that on and hear a different side to Rebecca and Josh's relationship.
Please find link to the playlist in the show notes, as well as the link to part one of this two-part series in case. We look forward to your company on the next episode,