[00:00:00] Rebecca: Hey you. Thanks for tuning in just a quick heads up. This episode is rated R so expect that there will be some language that you may not want your kids to hear lots of adult topics and quite possibly some explicit conversations about sex. This episode is probably not safe for work though. You know, I guess it depends on where you.

[00:00:24] Hey there. And thanks for tuning in to Pleasure Central Radio. This episode today, this is a repost from an interview, uh, on somebody else's podcast. This was Karen disapproved. That's the name of the podcast. And the interviewee is Chelsea cus and she is quite fun on Instagram. A few happen to have enjoy short, hilarious TikTok videos about being a mom in the world today, or just, you know, humor.

[00:00:52] She's quite fun to follow, check her out. She had me on her podcast and we had a good long conversation. We talked about a lot of interesting things. And at the end of the show, she had brought questions from her listeners and from her Instagram followers that they wanted to ask me, they wanted to ask courtesan and get some ideas, some sex advice sometimes.

[00:01:14] Uh, there's a little bit of everything in there. There's some exploration about it. Traction. There's some how to find a good position that works for both of us. Anyway, I hope you have a fun titillating time with this one.

[00:01:28] Chelsea: Just an FYI guys. This episode contains a lot of adult content. Don't listen to it around your kids.

[00:01:33] This is a steamy one. Okay. It's a steamy one. It's gonna make you blush. It's gonna make you clutch your pearls. I just spoke to Rebecca Beltran. She has over 10 years in the adult industry as an escort turned cortisone and 20 years living a polyamorous lifestyle. She also is an artist and a wordsmith.

[00:01:51] She is very talented guys. We hear about her story as a courtesan, but she also gives us some really freaking amazing relationship and sex advice based on her own personal experiences and from listening to her clients. And honestly, You're gonna need a pen and paper. You're gonna wanna write it down. It it's great advice or you're gonna love her.

[00:02:12] Enjoy my friend, Rebecca. Beltran.

[00:02:24] Chelsea: okay. So I, like, I listened to you on the, it goes both ways podcast, and I was like, I really wanna get Rebecca on, like, you were so fascinating and you gave them some really great tips. I really wanna hear a follow up to their story cause they're like, we promised you a follow up. So you gave them great sex tips.

[00:02:45] And um, I wrote some down, wrote them down for my own life. Um, anyway, so I'm really glad that you were like, yeah. Let's, let's talk anyway. Do you wanna introduce yourself and maybe kind of explain to the audience what it is that you do and sort of your

[00:03:02] Rebecca: background. Yeah, sure. Uh, my name is Rebecca and I consider myself a podcaster, a tango dancer, and a courtesan.

[00:03:11] And for podcasting, I have a show called Pleasure Central Radio, where I've been for about five years, putting out episodes, talking about how important Pleasure is in my life and by Pleasure. I mean, all, all kinds of Pleasure, not just physical, sexual Pleasure, but that's definitely a big component of what's important to me.
[00:03:31] Uh, but Pleasure is basically anything that feels good, that you have more energy after, than it takes to do the thing. And that can run the gamut. There's plenty of things that are better, but I've. Posting episodes on that particular topic. A lot of them are about relationships and sexuality, but just Pleasure in general and things that I've found to be pleasurable, including tango dancing.
[00:03:56] I'm a very physical person. So I've been a dancer or done martial arts or some kind of focused physical outlet for many, many years. And every time that I take on something like that, and I study it deeper and farther, I find that everything in my life has improved. My sex life has improved. My relationship are improved.
[00:04:20] So I often talk about those types of things on the show as well. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, I,
[00:04:27] Chelsea: I love ballroom dancing. Bright tan is considered it's in the ballroom dance category. I love it like swing dancing. And I did a little bit of salsa. I love it. And I wish my husband would do
[00:04:40] Rebecca: it with me, but it's interesting learning how to ballroom dance or do any kind of partner dance with someone who you are in a relationship with, but haven't already learned how to dance with it adds a whole extra level of challenge, especially, um, if you don't have any of that body training or dance experience to begin with the learning curve is very, very steep and it's easy to get frustrated both as the lead and the follow whoever's taking whichever role.
[00:05:06] So I think dance is a fabulous thing and everyone should learn how to dance. And if you're starting to learn how to dance with your partner, be aware that you may not show up for each other the way you expect. So that's, that's my little tip there.
[00:05:22] Chelsea: you know what I will say? That actually is true. I have found that where I'm like, cuz you know, in a lot of dances, the, the may like the man takes the lead and I'm just like.
[00:05:32] Okay, but you, I know how to do this dance better than you do. So let me just show you , you know, let me take the lead. So there is a little bit of that
[00:05:40] Rebecca: dynamic, for sure. I think it's really beautiful when partnerships, when partners are willing to let the, let people go and dance with other people. Cause it's kind of like having a little miniature love affair.
[00:05:53] Mm-hmm , it's socially acceptable to have this five minute or 12 minute love affair on The Dance floor with someone who you don't know. And it can be a really beautiful, intimate opening experience. So, wow.
[00:06:06] Chelsea: And you know, what's so funny is that is what my husband hates about group like couple dancing.
[00:06:12] Cause I've we did salsa classes together and I think we went to a swing dance, uh, together and he hated that we had a switch partner. So then we started doing some videos in our house and, um, that was more comfortable for him, but that's kind of what I liked of dance about dancing. Cause I got a dance with different.
[00:06:30] Partners and some were like super, super good. And then others not so good, but I just was able to. Just experience, like what it was like to be with somebody who was like this like incredible dancer and then my husband's still learning. So yeah, it was I can see totally see that. And yeah, that's what my husband hated most about it.
[00:06:50] Rebecca: yeah. Yeah. And the great thing about that is when, when your partner is willing to be okay with it, dancing with someone who is at a very different skill level, especially as a follow can be a very. I don't know. It's, it's just, it's a very pleasant experience because they can make you look so good. Yes.
[00:07:07] Even when you're only a little bit good. Yes. There's a lot of freedom in it. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of freedom. It's oftentimes the sensation of being able to fly across The Dance floor and being miraculous coordinated. And I love it. I think it's a beautiful thing.
[00:07:23] Chelsea: So I wanted to hear what, so what is a cor?
[00:07:26] I think a lot of people might not be familiar with this
[00:07:29] Rebecca: term. Uh, well, cor is an old word. It comes from mid something centuries, uh, Italy, I believe, but it was often a woman who had an unusual amount of freedom and she was usually patronized by people that wanted to help get her art out in the world some way.
[00:07:49] So maybe she was a dancer and famous ballerina and someone would buy her an apartment or, you know, set her. Up in some place so that she could do her art and do it well. And oftentimes they would have a various different patrons, but it just kind would, would kind of depend. And I feel like that's the kind of thing that my work has developed into over the last decade of being a sex worker.
[00:08:12] And it's been pretty cool to be able to create this world that I wanna live in every day and have other people who wanna come and be a part of it with me, um, both on the personal level and my clients wanna be, you know, be a part of this beautiful world that I'm creating this artistic space that I've set up.
[00:08:32] So yeah, that's how I generally define it. Yeah.
[00:08:36] Chelsea: So, so what's the.
[00:08:38] Rebecca: For me, my art is tango and words. I sometimes I use the words on my show, cuz I feel like there's a lot that can be said with a powerful story or when you're able to present a perspective that someone hasn't heard before in a way that really opens them up.
[00:08:57] I think that has a lot of value. So I do that with my tango and with my podcast, at least I try to so. Yeah.
[00:09:06] Chelsea: Yeah. You know, I was trying to figure out if you were like a poet or something,
[00:09:11] Rebecca: because of sometimes what kinda
[00:09:13] Chelsea: art does Rebecca do? And I was like, try, I listen to some of your episodes. I'm like, she must be a poet.
[00:09:18] I I'm just gonna say she's a poet. That's her art .
[00:09:22] Rebecca: Well, for, uh, long period of time, my podcast wasn't actually public. It was really limited to a smaller group of people. Uh, I did make it public about three years ago, two and a half years ago, something like that. But for a while it was pretty much run on donations and people who said, Hey, yeah, I think this conversation should be out in the world.
[00:09:41] Or I wanna hear you talk about this particular thing. Would you. Record something mm-hmm and put it out. So, yeah. Yeah. So now it's public and it's open to the wider world, but I still have people that wanna patronize and help and get everything that I'm doing off the ground, which is really cool. Wow. And I did just do a, uh, tango photo shoot as well with someone, one of my dance partners for years.
[00:10:05] And that's not up on my website yet, but some of the pictures will be soon. Well, actually, I'm curious,
[00:10:11] Chelsea: because you said like that your work has evolved into more of being a cortisone. So I wanna hear a little bit about that, um, evolution, I guess, like how did it start and then how did it sort of turn into what it is currently?
[00:10:28] Rebecca: Yeah, sure. Uh, so it started about a decade ago. I was getting out of a really serious relationship and I knew that I wanted. I still wanted to be around people and I wanted to make some romantic connections, but I didn't really want to like have a boyfriend or a partner yet, but I, I needed to develop my confidence.
[00:10:49] Again. I had been in this relationship for a long time. Didn't even know if I was still sexy, you know, I figured maybe I was too old to be sexy now. And then I started to, let's see, I don't remember exactly where I found the first couple of people, but I do remember the first one I had made a deal with myself cuz I, I didn't really need the money, but I knew that at some point in the near future, I was going to need some money and I was just curious, could this be a way that would really be fun and enjoyable for me to make my income?
[00:11:24] And uh, I went on the first date thinking. Okay. If I go out and I hate myself later, I will just forgive myself and move on and not worry about it. And that it'll just be a one time experience, but I had so much fun that in the middle of the appointment, I was like, hell I don't care. If he forgets to pay me, this is great.
[00:11:46] So we had a really fun date. We had a really good time and, and he didn't forget to pay me. And so I walked out thinking this is a really cool way of exploring and getting to meet people and be intimate with people, but without really having to have a lot of commitment for myself. And that was how I got into it.
[00:12:09] And it's evolved quite a lot now. Uh, I would say, yeah, I was probably best described as an escort to begin with. But then my clients developed my own personal desires developed. I started talking about different things on my show. Different clients started being attracting, attracted to me. And yeah, it was interesting.
[00:12:33] I noticed that really high performers that wanted to do interesting things in the world were my most common client mm-hmm and they had a lot of the same needs and experiences that I had had. And so we were able to make some really great connections and support each other through some powerful life experiences.
[00:12:52] And I thought, how cool is it that I get to pay? I get paid to be. An amazing companion for people and help them through this, this, this stuff. And it was interesting cuz I had before been a companion for people who, who were older and had dementia and it felt very similar to that. You know, I was really holding a space for people who couldn't remember to take their pills, but still wanted to have a full life couldn't drive, but still wanted to explore the city couldn't they didn't really know who they could trust, but they were super friendly.
[00:13:32] Right. So it was, it was the kind of thing where I got to go around with them and help them be human and have a really full and beautiful experience. And I feel like sometimes that's what I get to do in my other work now. So, so this,
[00:13:47] Chelsea: so it wasn't even just like a sexual thing. It sounds like, it sounds like you were having.
[00:13:54] It's almost like these like little, like these mini relationships for a day or however long that, you know, client lasted.
[00:14:03] Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:14:05] Chelsea: So when you got into it, it was sort of like, I sort of want to feel sexy. I wanna experience that and sort of see if I still got it, which clearly you do.
[00:14:20] Rebecca: and then thank you.
[00:14:21] And how
[00:14:22] Chelsea: did you, how did you, how did you get your. Customer, like, how do you, how does that work?
[00:14:29] Rebecca: To be honest, I don't even remember. That was so many years ago. And there were a lot more places online where you could connect with people. Um, I remember that it was online, but I don't remember where probably wherever it was.
[00:14:42] It's been shut down by now. But yeah, basically the internet is a great connector of interesting people and that's always been both professionally and personally, like I personally, I use online dating often to find my partners and, uh, I found that it's. Easier professionally even to do it that way.
[00:15:05] Mm-hmm, just because that's part of where people are looking, but it's a way that in our society we can explore and connect having that anonymity to the internet to start with. Do,
[00:15:15] Chelsea: do customers ever like refer you to people and they're like, this was great. I have this other friend or like, is there ever like word of mouth
[00:15:26] Rebecca: sort of though, it kind of depends on which coast you're in.
[00:15:31] For some reason, the east coasters do seem to brag about their mistresses to their part. And do you know, to their guy, friends and will kind of pass on a name or something, but, uh, on the west coast that doesn't happen so much. Usually it's the other way around where the women in the industry, the other providers will end up recommending other providers to the guys instead of, uh, Guys recommending providers to the other women, but it, you know, it's a pretty progressive state, so a lot of things do happen, but I found that it's most commonly split like that.
[00:16:07] Chelsea: I'm curious about your upbringing. Was there anything like, sort of different or unique or alternative about the way you
[00:16:14] Rebecca: were brought up? Uh, yeah, there was all kinds of different things about the way I was brought up. Um, I grew up in a national park and that gave me a really strong appreciation for both the environment and connecting with earth, but also it was a very, very small town.
[00:16:33] And so the number of people that you had to interact with was pretty low. And I really, I didn't learn how to make friends early on. Like, I feel like going away to college was the first time I was forced to make friends because growing up my friends were all kind of built in. They were just the other kids in the same grade at school, but going away to college, I had to learn, you know, how to present myself and who I wanted to share my time with and how to prioritize things.
[00:17:01] Cause all of a sudden there were a ton of people that I could spend time with instead of just eight. So. Yeah, I think there were a couple of unusual things about my growing up. And then those were two of them. Uh, I do have siblings, my parents were together. They probably still would be. Um, my mom died suddenly when I was a kid.
[00:17:24] So fat changed our household a little bit. Um, but yeah, it was, I would say it was a pretty open and loving environment as much as I can remember it as an
[00:17:38] Chelsea: adult. Did you feel like you were before you got into sex work or becoming a partisan, did you feel like you were like a sexual person before that.
[00:17:50] Rebecca: Yeah. I've, I've been this sexual person for a long, long time. I remember when I was, I don't know how old I was, 9, 10, 11, something like that at a sleepover. And there was some very mild, sexy interaction with another girl. I was so young that I didn't know what it meant, but looking back on it later, as I think 17 or 18, when I figured it out, I was like, oh yeah, there was definitely something interesting there that I could have picked up on.
[00:18:19] Um, but then let's see, when I was 17, I met my first boyfriend and lost my virginity at 17 to my first. Guy. And it was a really sweet partnership. We really cared about each other and dated for a long time. Um, we dated for four years until we were not in the same city. And while trying to figure out how to deal with that, we came up with the idea of polyamory, which means many loves.
[00:18:45] And I was skeptical at first, but he was hoping that we could try it out. We tried it out, worked a lot better for me than it did for him at first. But, uh, it turned out to really fit who I was starting to become. And so I decided to keep it, so I wanted to continue living that way for, and I have since I'm 40 now, and then I was 19 when I made that decision.
[00:19:13] Oh, really?
[00:19:13] Chelsea: Okay. So when you're 19, you made this decision to go from monogamy to polyamory. But I, I did hear at one point you did have sort of a long term monogamous relationship. You were married, right?
[00:19:28] Rebecca: I did. Yeah. I was married. I was married for a little over eight years and it was a monogamous marriage.
[00:19:35] I always considered myself a polyamorous person and a monogamous relationship though. Okay. So like you're
[00:19:40] Chelsea: staying monogamous out of respect to the, your partner.
[00:19:44] Rebecca: Is that it? To, to the agreement that we had made? Yeah. Yeah. And it was something that at the time I was willing to. Yeah. Okay. I think I'm fine with that.
[00:19:53] Let's let's do that. That's great. And I'm glad that I did it and I will never do it again. Um, not because it was a bad experience, but because afterwards, while I was exploring myself, Connecting even more with my body, cuz I had come a long way in deconstructing some of the, you know, things that society tells women about who we are and how we're supposed to have sex.
[00:20:17] I'd come a long way in all of that. But I hadn't quite, um, figured out how to talk to people about it yet and how to tell people, Hey, this is who I am, but I, I was wise enough by then to realize that the most authentic expression of me is intimate with number of people. And sometimes that intimacy means sex and sometimes it just means really, really, really close friends.
[00:20:41] But. It's both and having to corral my instincts or tell myself that I wasn't supposed to have that interaction with that person. It didn't make sense to me. And I realized that anybody that wanted to date me that thought I should do that. Didn't understood. Stand who I am. So once I figured that out and I was like, oh, okay, well, I'm never doing that again.
[00:21:04] so what would
[00:21:05] Chelsea: you say that after your marriage is when you became interested in, um, sex work?
[00:21:14] Rebecca: Yeah. Yeah, actually I was let's see, I had moved out of. No. I was about to move out of the house. And one of my friends from a completely different community was looking at moving into a new house. And so I thought, Hey, maybe we should move in together.
[00:21:32] So I ended up calling them up and said, Hey, what do you think about this idea? And they thought it was a really cool concept. They wanted to be my roommate, but then they said, if we're gonna be roommates, you should know what I really do for a living. And then they told me what I had been doing with, uh, some of these really lovely people dating and going out for the weekend, uh, was what she basically did for a living.
[00:21:58] And I was like, huh, that sounds too good to be true. I really wanna know more about that. And so I did some research for myself and. Looked it up. And I thought, you know, I think this could actually be a really, really fun thing.
[00:22:11] Chelsea: And I think also just because you are ready were sort of an open person to the polyamorous lifestyle and just sort of like this alternative way of living and being fulfilled, it sounds like.
[00:22:23] You were kind of in the right head space for, for that
[00:22:27] Rebecca: moment? Yes. Yeah, definitely in the right head space. And also I think that being polyamorous for all of those years gave me a whole new set of communication skills. Mm-hmm and ways of being able to speak up for myself that I, I, I learned those, but I learned those through being in a relationship with various people.
[00:22:47] And those were hugely valuable when I started doing sex work, because I could advocate for myself whenever I needed to. I was comfortable walking out the door. If I needed to, you know, it made it so much easier to feel comfortable and safe and happy. And to change the situation. If I didn't in your experience
[00:23:06] Chelsea: as a courtesan, has there ever been a time where you have felt like scared or insecure about any of your interactions with your clients?
[00:23:16] Rebecca: I can't say that I've ever felt scared. I felt. Before booking an appointment with someone that this is not someone to be alone around, but then I never have an appointment with them. So it ends up being a moot point. Uh, insecure is a little bit different though. Have I ever been insecure around? Yeah.
[00:23:36] Chelsea: Or, or just feeling like uncomfortable in a sit, like once you're there, you're just like, okay, this is not what I expected.
[00:23:44] I'm feeling pretty uncomfortable. I should probably
[00:23:46] Rebecca: leave. Sometimes it's only happened a handful of times. And like one of those experiences was I was in a really nice hotel and the person who I was going to meet, who was apparently a really great client of someone that I knew ended up putting his hand in my.
[00:24:07] Like putting his hand down my, um, neck line while we're sitting at the bar and I was like, what the hell? All right, this is, this is not respectful. This is too weird. I'm outta here. But it's very rare for, in my experience for that kind of thing to happen to me anyway. Uh, yeah.
[00:24:24] Chelsea: Have you had any experiences where you just left feeling like totally fulfilled?
[00:24:29] Just like on like extremely fulfilled or it was just like a really incredible, just different experience
[00:24:36] Rebecca: for you? Oh my God. Yes. So many. I can't even count them. I have. Helped people understand how to use cock rings and then their sex life is completely different. I have helped people come back from prostate surgery, which usually leaves someone feeling like they'll never be able to get hard again, and they may never be able to ejaculate again.
[00:24:59] And sometimes that's true. Mm-hmm , but there's been some really fulfilling experiences with helping people work through that and figure out how they can have that deep masculinity again, and own that in their body. That's so cool. Uh, I've helped a lot of younger guys that have never had a powerful sexual experience.
[00:25:18] Be able to know what that feels like and to learn, to listen to a woman's body. And that's amazing. Uh, I've had clients that have really seen what I'm trying to do with my life and given me airline tickets to go to Europe business class and. Taken me to places that I really wanted to go to because it was important to me.
[00:25:40] Um, yeah, seriously, so many. I can't even count them all. Yeah.
[00:25:44] Chelsea: So, so do you have a lot of customers or clients who are long term clients
[00:25:49] Rebecca: then? I do have a fair number of long term clients. I also have a fair number of people who I only see once or twice or who I'll see once or twice a year for a decade.
[00:26:02] And it varies quite a lot. I enjoy that. I enjoy being able to connect with people when they have the space to connect with me. And to me that feels like a very positive outgrowth of my polyamory philosophy. Like I want, I wanna be able to have the relationship with someone that we can have in the constraints that we've got.
[00:26:21] If it's an hour or a day or six months, doesn't really matter. But I appreciate being able to have that clarity of that container and it's way easier with clients to create that container than it is in my personal life. So it's so much more satisfying in a way to be able to do that with someone in a professional capacity.
[00:26:42] At least I appreciate it. Where's the
[00:26:44] Chelsea: most, uh, like exotic place you've been with a client.
[00:26:47] Rebecca: Well, I've, I've been to some beautiful beaches. I'll tell you that I've been to some beautiful beaches that I've really enjoyed. have you found that
[00:26:55] Chelsea: through the years, your expectations for clients or your boundaries have grown as well?
[00:27:01] Rebecca: Oh, hell yeah. And I think that should be the case with pretty much every woman, you know, as we grow and age and we learn more about ourself, not just women, actually. I think this applies to pretty much everybody, but yeah, my boundaries have shifted and changed and in some ways they've gotten a lot more elastic because I know more about what is safety and what isn't, but in some ways it's become much clearer that, Hey, I don't wanna work with people that are in this particular mindset and it's.
[00:27:31] Judgment on them. Really. It's just more of a, it's no fun to have somebody in your room that is feeling guilty the entire time. So, yeah, so I have definitely drawn boundaries and updated what my requirements in my rules are. I, I just have a very different brand. It's a very playful and open and ethically non monogamous brand.
[00:27:55] So I see a lot more couples and younger single guys or guys that are divorced and don't really have the time to date yet, cuz they're in the middle of their professional life and raising young kids is a part-time dad. Right. So yeah, it, it doesn't show up a lot anymore. Yeah.
[00:28:15] Chelsea: Well that's good. That's good.
[00:28:17] Yeah. Especially that, you know what you want. And also I feel like there's an energy that you probably would take away from, from those experiences and, and you probably realize what kind of energy that you, you want.
[00:28:30] Rebecca: Yeah. And like you said, it's, it's just a very different energy and people are attracted to people that are like them, so, yeah.
[00:28:38] Yeah. What is
[00:28:39] Chelsea: your most ideal ideal client? Do you have, like just sort of a
[00:28:43] Rebecca: preference this year has kind of been the year of the couples for me. And that's been beautiful because actually one of the most fulfilling experiences I had was years ago, there was a couple that came to see me and they ended.
[00:29:01] Coming every six months for a couple of years, just because that had been something that was really important to both of them. And I was a very safe place for them to explore it. Yeah. So this year I have had a lot more couples coming to see me. And I think there's a couple of reasons for this one is, uh, the COVID restrictions, particularly in the cities that I've been in have been pretty strict.
[00:29:26] And it's much easier for a couple. That's been living together the whole time to agree on whether or not they think it's safe to see someone like me. So for some reason, I think that made a lot of things simpler when it came to, uh, having couples come and letting them experience things that are something a little bit different.
[00:29:44] And. Being someone that can hold this really beautiful professional space of yeah, you can explore. And this is the beginning and this is the end and test yourself out here because it can be really challenging to know how you can get that experience until you have it. Right. So practicing with someone who's willing to play a game with you and willing to communicate clearly with you, I think is a really great way to explore with
[00:30:13] Chelsea: couples maybe coming to you during the pandemic.
[00:30:15] Cuz you said your couple's clientele has, has increased right over the pandemic. Yeah, definitely. I wonder if part of it is, is some couples thinking, okay, let's try, you know, bringing in another partner into the relationship and often the ways they might meet that person, you know, quote unquote naturally weren't available anymore.
[00:30:38] So like maybe they're not going to parties or not having couple other couples over for dinner or, you know, however yeah. However people start, um, that's kind of cut off and they're like, well, this is something we really want. So let's reach out and, and have someone who does this professionally come into our home or
[00:30:56] Rebecca: hotel or whatever, wherever.
[00:30:58] Yeah. No, I think that's absolutely the case. Oh, wow.
[00:31:01] Chelsea: Yeah. Cuz I would think the pandemic would maybe hurt business, but it doesn't sound like it
[00:31:06] Rebecca: has, you know, it's been interesting. The pandemic has changed my business because at first when it hit, everybody was closing down as much as they could in trying not to go out and see anybody.
[00:31:19] So it was slow for a little while, but what I found is. There are a lot of younger, single techy people in this particular city. And they were some of the first people that were asked to work from home, cuz they can, you know, work on zoom on their computers and how always have been able to. And they were home alone for six weeks, eight weeks, not being able to touch anybody, not being able to connect.
[00:31:45] And they were the first ones to say, Hey, this is important. I need to be touched. Can I come and see you? Right. So that was an interesting thing to navigate is everybody's COVID uh, worries and fears and who, how long people were gonna get together. But instead of having. Handful of clients that I would see for a shorter period of time, I got a much smaller number of people that I would end up seeing for four hours or 12 hours or 24 hours.
[00:32:15] And it was, it was an interesting shift cuz I wasn't used to business having that kind of rhythm yet, but once I got used to it, I found that I really liked it. I liked being able to go deeper with more people and or deeper with fewer people and it was. It was really pleasant to be able to roll with that in a unique and creative way.
[00:32:37] Do you prefer
[00:32:37] Chelsea: it that way? I mean, now that you've experienced that or, or you like, you like to spice things up and keep it interesting.
[00:32:44] Rebecca: do both. I do like to spice things up and keep it interesting. Uh, I do prefer a handful of people who I spend a whole lot of time with, and then just a bunch of people who I spend a little bit of time with partially because it, it does give me that rhythm of work the way most people have some kind of rhythm of going to work every day, every week.
[00:33:02] But it also is interesting to meet different people at different points in their lives. So even if it's just a catch up of, Hey, how's it going? What, what have you been doing since last month? I saw you. It's really fun. And I get a lot of juice from catching up with people that I have that much of a deep connection with.
[00:33:20] Right.
[00:33:21] Chelsea: Do you, do you ever feel like socially drained after, at all?
[00:33:27] Rebecca: Usually it's the other way. So I'm an introvert and that means that I get more energy from being alone or from small groups of people than I do. Big groups of people or people that I don't know. So I find that I'll end up seeing people that I don't know as clients two or three times a month, three or four times a month, maybe.
[00:33:50] But a lot of people that I know really well much more often than that. And so it ends up fueling me rather than draining me. And I've had to learn a little bit of balance with that. Like how, how long an appointment is and what we do on the appointment can be really draining depending on who I'm with.
[00:34:07] But once I learned how to be with somebody else, how to share a hotel room overnight with someone and to still be able to hold my own space and be comfortable and make sure I do what I need to do before I get to bed and I get enough sleep and I wake up and I'm feeling good, then that actually became a whole lot easier in the beginning.
[00:34:27] Chelsea: Did you tell people that you knew loved ones that, you know, you know, that a, about your new occupation?
[00:34:37] Rebecca: In the beginning. I told a small group of people who I really knew and trusted because I wasn't, I wasn't sure how it was gonna work out. Uh, I wasn't sure if I was gonna like it, but I did seem to be really enjoying myself and I wanted to have some people who could have my back if I needed it.
[00:34:54] So yeah. I told a handful of people that I'm, that I was really close to, who I felt I could be open and honest with. And then over time I slowly started widening that group point where, you know, within, I don't know, two years there wasn't really anybody. In my friend group that didn't at least have an idea of what it was.
[00:35:13] And I don't know. I think it took me eight years to tell everybody in my family, but, uh, that was mainly because I have, I had a partner who had a daughter at the time and he kept saying, no, no, don't tell him, don't tell him, don't tell your dad. But, uh, eventually I was able to get everybody in the loop and on board.
[00:35:33] And it's been surprising because you would think, or at least I think society tells us that people in my position are not supposed to be enjoying themselves or they're supposed to be drug addicts or something else. I don't know. It's usually not a very good view. Sure, sure. My friends who I would share things with.
[00:36:00] There were people that knew me well enough to know that I don't do anything without a good reason. I don't do anything if I'm not gonna be happy and comfortable doing it. Right. And everybody for the longest time had two questions right off. Are you safe? And are you happy? And once they realized I was as safe as I could get and happier than most of them, then it just became like, okay, well, cool.
[00:36:26] Now maybe I'll come to you for sex advice sometimes.
[00:36:29] Chelsea: wow. You sound like you have a very supportive group around you, like a very understanding and open group
[00:36:34] Rebecca: around you. I really do. I think that's been a huge part of my success too. It's not all been people that are polyamorous. I haven't really had that many.
[00:36:46] Poly friends until I don't know, four, three or four years ago, but I have had for almost as long as I've, let's see, I have had for at least a decade, a really, really close group of friends that are non-judgmental and open and kind, and they're really wanting to cheerlead everybody on and to help people.
[00:37:10] So it's been lovely having that support and knowing that that's there the whole time, it allows me to spread out quite a lot more and to take it more room in the world, I
[00:37:21] Chelsea: think, are you typically a, like O like a very just open person and just sort of, despite it being like controversial or not, you'll, you're just like open about your life with people pretty much about what you do.
[00:37:36] Just about just any kind of anything that comes up in your life.
[00:37:40] Rebecca: Uh, pretty much. So I tend to have a pretty good gauge about what people are actually wanting to talk about. So if I meet someone at the gym and we see each other every week there for a few months and they ask me what I do, I'm probably gonna tell them that I'm a podcaster.
[00:37:54] And then when they ask me what I podcast about, I'll say relationships and sexuality, and then they're either intrigued and have a lot more questions and wanna know more. And then probably I'll tell them more as, as soon as they're asking or they're just like, okay, that's nice. See you next week. And that's fine too.
[00:38:12] You know, I don't feel the need to push this in anybody's face. Yeah. Uh, but I am pretty darn open about it, especially the more that I've learned that the more open I am. The more permission. It gives other people to be open and to asking questions and I get way more fascinating conversations when I just tell people what's real.
[00:38:37] So yeah, I enjoy that. I'd rather have the real conversation and
[00:38:40] Chelsea: you sound like you pick up on social cues pretty well. because you probably, you work with a lot of people, so I'm sure you, you get it. Like you kind of know how to speak to people.
[00:38:51] Rebecca: Uh, maybe. Yeah, I hope so.
[00:38:56] Chelsea: how have romantic partners been about what you do?
[00:39:00] Are they pretty accepting and op and open to it
[00:39:03] Rebecca: or? Yeah. So being someone that's already polyamorous, I find that the people that are. In close enough. Alignment with me on polyamory are generally help. Yes. For do whatever you're gonna do at work to help people be open to sexuality and to have healthier sex lives.
[00:39:25] So I've been very fortunate that way. And I think the fact that I live my values at work and at home makes it much easier to find that alignment so that my romantic partners are understanding of what I'm doing. And why,
[00:39:40] Chelsea: what do you, what do you think the pros and cons are from monogamous versus polyamorous?
[00:39:46] Rebecca: The pros and cons in general. That's a pretty wide question. Yeah. I guess just like
[00:39:50] Chelsea: comparing the two, are there things that you like really loved in a monogamous relationship versus polyamory and vice versa?
[00:39:57] Rebecca: I don't think for me that question really applies because polyamory is just a natural outgrowth of what I am.
[00:40:06] So being in a monogamous relationship felt weird. It was lovely in many ways, but it also felt limited. It felt like I'm not supposed to be all of that. Okay. Well that doesn't make any sense. so it just didn't feel like a match to me, but I, I don't really think that there's better and worse. Mm-hmm when it comes to relationship styles, I think there's a better fit for you and a worse fit for you.
[00:40:36] And there's a better fit for you for right now and a worse fit for you for right now. And yeah, I mean, it definitely. Polyamory is something that is likely to trigger everything that you have going on about relationships. Oh my gosh. I, I see
[00:40:56] Catharina: I
[00:40:56] Chelsea: have, I told you I have somebody very close to me. Who's in a polyamorous relationship and I'm like, I would, I
[00:41:03] Rebecca: would struggle.
[00:41:04] Like that would be a big, a big, a big
[00:41:07] Chelsea: struggle for me. I think I would be too jealous. I, I just think I would be, I don't know.
[00:41:14] Rebecca: Yeah, it's quite possible. Jealousy is not impossible in this world, but it is pretty rare. At least it is pretty rare in my circles. And I think part of the reason for that is that conversion is so high and most people don't know what conversion means.
[00:41:29] Conversion, not comparison, but conversion is Pleasure at your partner's Pleasure. And it's a really common word to hear in the polyamory land, just because that is a big thing that we use to sometimes to fight jealousy, but it's, it's just kind of the opposite of jealousy. They can't exist in the same place at the same time.
[00:41:51] So if I can find a place of excitement for my partner going out with somebody else, then I've and I'm. Compulsive mode and I won't end up feeling jealous. Now that doesn't mean there won't be some thoughts that come up that make me feel different. But jealousy in polyamory land is usually seen more as a signal of, oh, Hey, there's a thought that you're thinking that's not very helpful.
[00:42:17] Let's look at that. And, uh, yeah, it's pretty interesting. It's not a hundred percent always that, but oftentimes I find that that's the case. Have you
[00:42:28] Chelsea: ever seen it in, I don't know, in your circle at all, or just people you might know where you've seen. Somebody clearly or their, their game for living a polyamorous lifestyle.
[00:42:41] And maybe they're bringing their wife into it saying, look, this is how we're gonna keep our marriage together. And the wife's not really wanting it, but they're just sort of going along with it.
[00:42:50] Rebecca: I've seen it. I don't think it's healthy and I don't recommend getting involved in anything like that. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's something that I stay far away from because in my experience that someone that treats someone they care about so much, like that is also going to treat me poorly at some point.
[00:43:07] And I just have got no Fox to deal with that. So sure.
[00:43:11] Chelsea: Sure. How, how is time shared with different people with different partners? Is there like everyone together, we all hang out at once or is it like equal time shared between all
[00:43:23] Rebecca: partners? I think that concept of timeshare and equal timeshare behind between partners is a little bit toxic.
[00:43:33] I don't share time with people. I just spend time with them. I make time with them. Um, there's something about the sharing time concept that feels like you're being split in many different ways. And other people get to decide who you're gonna be with and when yeah. And that doesn't, that doesn't make frame of sense to me, but
[00:43:55] Chelsea: I do.
[00:43:55] And it sounds like an obligation also. Yeah.
[00:43:58] Rebecca: Sort of mm-hmm . Yeah, exactly. And that's not why I'm in it. So yeah, I'm, that's not me. I do spend time with people on a regular basis. I often will have one partner who I'll see for an overnight dinner and overnight once a week, and other people that I'll end up spending a good amount of time with, because we'll be living together or we'll be sharing the same space for half the time.
[00:44:21] Uh, but then it just, it just kind of depends. I think. Each relationship can change as to the space that it needs in my life and the space that it can fit in into my life. And I like to be able to adjust and flow with that as it changes.
[00:44:37] Chelsea: Do, do clients ever wanna turn what you have with them into like a, like a relationship outside of clients?
[00:44:46] And cortisone,
[00:44:48] Rebecca: it is pretty normal for people to want that. And I think part of that is that I'm, I just get to be very intimate with them. And when they're clients, the amount of time that they're with me, I'm completely focused on them. My cell phone is off. I've been fed, I've been showered, I'm completely comfortable and able to spend 100% of my attention focused in their direction.
[00:45:11] And that kind of intimacy is really, really tantalizing. And when you combine that with an open, you know, nonjudgmental person and a playful personality, then it can be very tempting for them to want to take that further. And I found that it's just not a good idea. So I have posted on my website and occasionally had to remind people that, Hey, the time that we spend together, An important type of relationship.
[00:45:38] And it's not the only one that you can have. it's not gonna work like that. Wow. And we're not going to transition from client to, uh, being in my personal life. And the, the reason for not changing to client, my personal life is it is awkward, but mainly I also have a personal life. I also have people that I'm dating and it would mean making room for a new person somewhere.
[00:46:06] And that's not something that I do just on a whim, you know? So plus it seems like a bad idea to, uh, as a business person yeah. To stop receiving cash for people and to start. Putting all my time into them. Have you, have you ever,
[00:46:23] Chelsea: or have you ever wanted to turn it into something else or you've always kept that boundary up.
[00:46:27] You've always been really good about that boundary.
[00:46:30] Rebecca: I have wanted to, I have done it three times and it usually really fucking hurts. So it's not something I'm interested in, engaging in. Right.
[00:46:42] Chelsea: Right. Did those relationships last for a time period or, or for a long period of time?
[00:46:51] Rebecca: Uh, they were all different.
[00:46:52] One of them was about nine months of mostly pen pals, but it was probably the best and healthiest of them all. And I really was able to connect to something deeper in my, myself in that particular relationship. But the distance was just, you know, it wasn't gonna work. And the other two, they were both the distance.
[00:47:16] Wasn't a problem, but there were other things that were a problem. And once I looked at them, I realized, ah, there's a reason why these people wanted to start dating me and. Why they weren't able to keep up with the fantasy that they had in their head about me. So I think it's better if we just don't go there.
[00:47:36] Yeah, yeah,
[00:47:37] Chelsea: yeah. You're probably right. Um, I have some audience questions. Are you open to taking some questions from the audience? Sure. So this listener asked, I'm not attracted to my wife after she had our kids. How can I find that attraction again?
[00:47:58] Rebecca: Ooh, that's a good question. I kind of have two answers for this and one might sound fairly shallow, but I think it's also pretty accurate.
[00:48:08] We're not attracted to bodies as much as we are attracted to souls and to what somebody else cares about. So. It is actually fairly simple for your attraction, your physical attraction, to someone to continue to grow over years. If you're willing to let yourself stay connected to the reality of the person, to their soul and what they want and what they desire, because that is always fresh, that is always different.
[00:48:43] And people will often ask me, Hey, what do you do if you spend time with a client that you're not attracted to? And my answer is I find something about them to be attracted to because everybody has got some spark, some, some beautiful piece of them where when they talk about this thing, they light up and they're passionate and.
[00:49:04] For me, it's not a challenge anymore. I know it's not easy for everybody, but that's how I look at it. And that's an attitude I would recommend trying on. So that's the first answer. And then the second answer to that question. It's the connection between the two of you that is the attraction. So figuring out what helps her feel sexy is the shortcut to fixing all of this.
[00:49:28] But what makes her feel sexy is probably gonna be hard to find, especially if you've been nitpicking at each other, or if you have a history of not being nice to each other. So whatever your version of romance or reconnecting with the person that you married that will help spark the attraction again.
[00:49:51] And, um, There is possibly an exception. If you've got some physical stuff going on, if you're finding that that's not working, go see a doctor, I'm not a doctor, but I know that can really make a difference. Uh, but if that is the case, if you just lost the, the spark and the attraction look for where it always has been.
[00:50:14] Oh,
[00:50:15] Chelsea: that's good. Wow, Rebecca, that was really good answer. Thanks. Like really, really good damn Ryan us all down or I'll just re-list you know, just
[00:50:29] Rebecca: okay.
[00:50:31] Catharina: One I can
[00:50:32] Chelsea: relate with . Okay. I hate being on top. I'm too lazy for it, but I want to love it. What can I do?
[00:50:40] Rebecca: Oh, okay. Well, that's not that hard, actually. Lots of different tips here.
[00:50:45] One is try putting a ton of pillows. So you have absolutely no stress in your body. It's an interesting thing. I actually was having lunch with someone who wasn't the client wasn't related to me in any way, but I was just overhearing this conversation at lunch and he was talking about a woman. He had just met, has been insisting on pillows for everything during sex, every position that they change into, she puts pillows so that they're both completely supported and totally comfortable.
[00:51:18] And he said he never had better sex in his life. And I. I totally agree with that. Don't underestimate the value of figuring out what is comfortable for you. So hold on. Being on top, are they putting the pillow?
[00:51:31] Chelsea: another one, right?
[00:51:33] Catharina: Where
[00:51:34] Rebecca: are they putting? It depends. It depends. So if you are wanting to be on top in that, you know, traditional cowgirl position, you can get some big wedge pillows that will help set the sides.
[00:51:47] You can relax comfortably on the sides and not have to move very much. Uh, another thing that's really helpful for that, especially if you're a guy is willing to play with your hips or pick you up a little bit is I tell people, move me how you want me. And then I have a lot less work to do. I just keep up with whatever momentum they're building and I don't have to be.
[00:52:09] Quite so in the moment, and it's a lot simpler physically for me.
[00:52:13] Chelsea: I always like seriously, every time I'm on top, I'm like, I need to go back and do some legs at the gym.
[00:52:21] Rebecca: yeah, that can be fun. Uh, the other thing is it doesn't have to be very long on top. It can be an incredibly sexy position and you can use the enhanced sexiness of that position if it works for both you and your partner for that to be a short experience, instead of where you spend, you know, 10 or 20 minutes of the fucking.
[00:52:40] And I think that's pretty fun too. Especially if you add the fantasy component to that, and you can kind of charge up the idea of that position before you get on top, that can make it all the more enjoyable for everybody. And then also often shorter.
[00:52:58] Chelsea: Oh, I kind of like that sort of use it as foreplay, you know,
[00:53:02] Rebecca: Yeah.
[00:53:03] Yeah, absolutely. Oh, that that
[00:53:05] Chelsea: just make, that would make my life so much easier. Okay.
[00:53:11] Rebecca: you're welcome.
[00:53:13] Chelsea: um, okay. Is there anything I can do to keep my man from finishing before I do every time?
[00:53:20] Rebecca: Oh, is there any more detail to that question or is that it? No, that's it just finishing the Coching too high uh Coching can work.
[00:53:32] Yeah. So Cochrans are interesting. They affect different people differently and if they're fitted properly, they will, they will either. Delay ejaculation, or they will make it come faster. So you just kind of play with them and see what works for you. But yeah, Cochran can definitely work. Stay away from the numbing cream.
[00:53:53] That's not a good idea. Um, if you're not already using condoms, use a condom that can help slow him down a little bit. And what else? So oftentimes him coming. Before you coming is either in my experience, I haven't been warmed up quite as much as I want to. And I fix that by not letting them go on until I'm ready.
[00:54:18] and it's great, cuz actually men are fantastic creatures and they will continue to please you until you tell them to stop. If you're letting them know that you're really, really enjoying it. So, um,
[00:54:30] Chelsea: yes, the warmup you've gotta have the warmup. Absolutely.
[00:54:34] Rebecca: Yeah. Have as much warm up as you want. Cuz if you can get a bit more warmed up than he is before he starts to come inside, you you're much more likely to be on the same pace, at least that's that's my experience.
[00:54:47] Right. So right.
[00:54:48] Chelsea: How do you have intimacy after having a baby? Our sex life is non-existent. Is that kind of similar to what we, what you answered before?
[00:54:56] Rebecca: Maybe? No, that's a completely different question. No, it's a good one. I'm writing down. Yeah. Okay. So again, I would have a lot more questions for this person to really be able to help them out, but I'll tell you some of the things that I have found to be important, and hopefully some of them will apply.
[00:55:14] And, uh, our particularly our American culture doesn't really teach us the impact that having a baby puts on a woman, not just on her body, but also on her psychologically. So I would say the people that I've dated, the women that I've dated and the guys that I've dated that have been dads have all said.
[00:55:35] At least 18 months after the, uh, baby is born before things start to kind of resemble anything like normal. So in those 18 months know that first of all, it's kind of normal cuz your body is recovering. And also forget about the, I mean you're a mom, so you probably understand this, but I have never had kids.
[00:55:58] I've only been an aunt for many, many times having. Infant claiming all of your body, like it's a jungle gym all day long for years, all of a sudden your aro zones are not sexy anymore. They've been touched by, you know, fish, fingered, imprints, and, and all kinds of things. So knowing that, that has got to change.
[00:56:23] Is an important piece, giving people the time to be able to adjust and to shift is important. Um, so yeah, making space for it matters, but then when it becomes time to start, re-engaging that rec recognizing that it's not going to look the same, but it can be better. It's not gonna be the same buttons that you used to press.
[00:56:45] They're gonna be in different places. They're gonna be in different shapes, but it's still there. There's still the potential for the Pleasure. There's still the ability to increase the energy and to excite them and to get them aroused. There's still the potential for two mess. And that two mess is an incredibly healing thing.
[00:57:02] So all of that is good. Keep exploring and playing with it and just know that the Hollywood picture of six weeks later, you're back to your normal life. After delivering a baby mm-hmm is bullshit and you don't need to believe that. And nobody else should either. And you know, if you are great, that's
[00:57:22] Chelsea: cool.
[00:57:23] Oh, I tell you, well, my husband after I had, well, actually every single baby, he tried to touch my nipples in any way. I like wanted to flick his thing, like flick his mouth away or flick his hands away because those were the babies. That's where the baby eats, you know, like it's, it felt so unsexy and now I'm not nursing anymore where I'm like, okay, we, we can go there again.
[00:57:45] But for a while it was, you'd like, don't touch that. That is not your, that is not your playground.
[00:57:52] Rebecca: yeah. So what did you think of my advice? Was, was that useful?
[00:57:55] Chelsea: Yes, 1000%. Absolutely. And you're right. It changes. It totally changes over time. Like the things that turned me on before is just it's different now.
[00:58:08] And. In some ways it's better. And in some ways we're like, okay, we gotta figure that out again. yeah, yeah. I, but you're yeah, you're totally, you're totally right. And I think maybe that's people's expectations are the same as they were when they should be just a little bit different after you have kids, maybe.
[00:58:25] Rebecca: Yeah. There's actually a great book by, uh, Neuroscientist. I believe Dr. Ahman about the biology of women's brains and how it changes over the course of our lives as our hormones change. And it's really helpful because I feel like me and I'm sure many, many other women have gone through place, had gone through stages in their life where all of a sudden something changes with your body and you feel crazy.
[00:58:51] You don't feel like yourself, you don't understand why you're acting differently, but there are reasons why we're being different and having some understanding of what's going on before it happens, or as it's happening is really helpful. But even if we understand what went on with us years ago, that can be also very healing and help us.
[00:59:12] Navigate differently as we move forward. So, yeah, I'm a big fan of informing ourselves of those kinds of things so that we can have appropriate expectations of ourselves and our partners. Sure. What,
[00:59:22] Chelsea: what's the book called? I need to read
[00:59:24] Rebecca: this. The name of that book is unleash the power of the female brain by Dr.
[00:59:29] Daniel Ahman. Oh,
[00:59:31] Chelsea: wow. All right, I'm getting it. all right. How do I get comfortable? This is from a male. How do I get comfortable? Uh, let me say that again. all right. This is from a male. It says, how do I get comfortable in psyched to masturbate again,
[00:59:49] Rebecca: without knowing what he's not comfortable in psyched to masturbate yet?
[00:59:53] I'm not sure I can help that much, but. What I have found is that oftentimes when our masturbation isn't fun anymore, it's because we've escaped the process. We've let our minds go somewhere else. And we're just continuing to do this physical pattern that has always worked, but now we're reaching farther for it.
[01:00:16] You know, we're having to go faster or harder or something. And that intensity level is no longer doing it for us or the porn that we're watching is no longer exciting, or we can't find anything that is exciting, cuz we've watched everything that we've seen. Uh, but whatever the reason may be in my experience, it's almost always coming back to presence and feeling what my body actually.
[01:00:41] Feels like, because when I forget to be in the moment with my clitoris or with whatever actually is receiving the stimulation, it is a lot harder to ride that wave of ecstasy. It's a lot harder to even get up on the surfboard if I'm not paying attention. So what is it that helps you pay attention to your body?
[01:01:06] Like I've mentioned that I'm a very physical person for a long time. What helped me pay attention to my body was just learning Pilates, you know, training twice a week or learning mixed martial arts. I was a Brazilian jujitsu, uh, student for many years and that has a really. Interesting way of bringing your attention into your body and bringing your presence and consciousness back into your body, even when it's got nothing to do with sexuality explicitly.
[01:01:34] But having that, uh, more internally focused connection I find is usually really helpful. And then, you know, there might have to be some deconstructing of whatever thoughts or beliefs are there that make masturbating not fun anymore. But for me, the first step is always back to presence back to the body, back to what I'm feeling actually.
[01:01:55] Do you meditate, feeling and experiencing? Uh, I have, I have in the past, I don't meditate on a regular basis right now, but yeah, meditation is beautiful way of helping tune up your body and your mind. Yeah.
[01:02:08] Chelsea: I, I mean, I really think being in tune with your body is a learn. Because I am now, I think started to figure out my body in my mid thirties.
[01:02:18] And just, even in the simplest things as like mental health or getting sick, or like, you know, I mean the and sex of course, but it's like, I'm just now like starting to sort of, I feel like fine tune how I, my awareness with my body and I'm in my mid thirties, but I like, I feel like I'm constantly learning,
[01:02:42] Rebecca: well, Hey, guess what?
[01:02:43] It just gets better. Yeah,
[01:02:45] Chelsea: that's right.
[01:02:47] Rebecca: this is the thing that I think we underestimate. We forget the fact that we are gonna have our bodies for the rest of our lives and everything that we teach our bodies to do. We're going to know how to do for the rest of our lives. If you learn how to dance, now, you're gonna know how to dance until you die.
[01:03:01] If you learn how to have better orgasm, now you're gonna have better orgasms until you die. Isn't that lovely? We just get better. That is.
[01:03:10] Chelsea: So here, this one's not a advice, but she has a question for you about your experience. She says, are you the same sexually with your client as you are with your partner?
[01:03:24] Is there anything that you save for your partner that you wouldn't give to a, uh, client.
[01:03:31] Rebecca: That's actually a good question. I've never heard it asked that way before. Yes. There are a couple of things that I prefer to do only with my partners and not with my clients. Some of it is safety related. So I use condoms and protection with all my clients and with some of my partners, some of them, we have different agreements at different times where, you know, that's not something we have to worry about.
[01:03:54] But, uh, as for, is there something that I save in particular, you know, what is personal to each person is different and varies. And I have no problem with pretty much all of the fun, sexy things that I enjoy, period, doing them with clients or doing them with my personal partners. But the one thing that I don't like strangers to do that I won't let strangers do.
[01:04:22] I don't like strangers to come in my mouth. So that's one thing that like really only my personal partners get that. And, uh, I don't know why, but that feels right for me. Yeah. And
[01:04:35] Chelsea: boy, do they love it? Boy, do guys love doing that?
[01:04:39] Catharina: yes, they
[01:04:39] Rebecca: do. It's very gratifying.
[01:04:44] Chelsea: Okay. Here's my question for you. Okay. Okay.
[01:04:47] I would like to know how, like I said, been married 10 years for three kids in, and I tell you, although if things, some things have gotten better along the way in the bedroom, I would like to know. And not even just in the bedroom, actually, this is not just a better question. This would just be relationship in general.
[01:05:08] I feel like we have sometimes are very like down to business. With just, just, not even just in the bedroom, but like in, alright, we gotta get the kid down for a nap. We gotta get the kids off to school. So we, we get into this sort of, uh, routine and it feels like business. And I would like it to be more play and more friendship focused because especially when we have more play and we are just friends instead of business partners, our sex is way better too.
[01:05:40] So, um, and we're just happier, you know, just overall we're just happier people. So I'm wondering with your experience, if you've, I don't know if you have any advice, how we can just be more playful with each other and just sort of like hone our friendship.
[01:05:55] Rebecca: Yeah. Well, first I have a question for you. Do you guys have any way of having these conversations about, Hey, we want to play more here.
[01:06:05] We want to, you know, do more of this here. Do you already have something like that set up where we have
[01:06:11] Chelsea: those con I mean, We talk okay. I mean, we can just have those conversations. I don't know. Like we don't, we don't pick a specific time where we have these conversations. Sometimes. Usually they come up when I'm just like, dude, like we have kind of just been all business this week.
[01:06:27] Like where's the, where's the fun and romance here. And that's usually when it will come up, it's not like this preventative thing by any
[01:06:35] Rebecca: means. And when you bring it up, do you guys address it and then find a way to put play in or does it get put off for a while longer?
[01:06:43] Chelsea: Well, it's usually say, okay, let's schedule a date.
[01:06:46] let's get a babysitter and let's go out. Um, yeah, so we'll usually remember to, oh yeah. Cause cuz we do try to go out once a week and then sometimes we sort of forget about it and then it'll, you know, things, holidays and stuff come up and then we're just throwing off a routine and we're like, oh, we haven't really spent alone time together.
[01:07:03] So that's sort of when we'll bring it up.
[01:07:04] Rebecca: But yeah. okay. So one thing that you can do is connect to how much you actually enjoy that with him. And you can do that without him. You can do that sitting down and writing in a journal and reminding yourself of all the fun that you've had. The great thing about something as simple as that is, if you sit down and write for five minutes about, there was this fun time that we did this thing, or there was this sexy time that we did this thing, you're reactivating the memory path of that experience.
[01:07:36] And you are putting yourself back in that same emotional state that you were in when you were having that experience provided. You're talking about it in a way that feels clean, right? If you're like we had a great time, but the rest of the day sucked, then you're not really moving anything. Okay. Um, but if, if you're willing to sit there and.
[01:07:55] Remind yourself how good it does feel for five minutes once a day, once a week, you'll notice that you'll start finding the places where you can play, and it will be natural and easy for you because you've shifted the momentum of the busy into momentum of playful, busy and. Is just enough of a shift to really have a big impact on your relationships and, and to have, I mean, cuz it has a big impact on your thoughts, right?
[01:08:26] Just, just a little bit of changing those thoughts changes. Oh absolutely.
[01:08:30] Chelsea: If we are busy playful with each other, like there's like this friendship, like yeah, we're busy and the kids are horrible but
[01:08:39] Catharina: you
[01:08:39] Chelsea: know, but we're still friends here and this is teamwork and we are still playing. Then it makes me feel just like super happy and fulfilled.
[01:08:47] And then it feels like everything just sort of falls into place with our relationship. Then it makes the tough times easier. But yeah, if that's lacking, which at times it can, then I'm just like, damn, this is just like day in, day out, like nine to five sort of feeling. Life just feels nine to five all day long.
[01:09:07] Rebecca: Yeah. And that's still fun. I mean, that, that feels like being a workaholic all the time, particularly when, you know, people are working from home now, and it's much harder to draw that line between work and private space.
[01:09:19] Chelsea: What do you hope people will come away understanding about your
[01:09:22] Rebecca: story? I hope they'll come away understanding that they can create something powerful for themselves.
[01:09:30] And that bravery and kindness is very, very sexy.
[01:09:36] Chelsea: Yeah. And what do you hope for yourself to get out of life? Like what, what do you hope most to get out of life?
[01:09:46] Rebecca: I think it's what I've always hoped for. I hope for adventure, I hope for intimacy. I hope to know people and to love them and for them to see me and to love me as I am.
[01:09:58] I think when we can do that for each other, then we can build something really cool and interesting. And who knows what it'll be, but it'll be interesting.
[01:10:08] Chelsea: Wow. And where can everybody find your stuff and plug all the things that you're doing? I know you have a subscription based, um, platform also. Yeah.
[01:10:17] Rebecca: Uh, yeah, not anymore.
[01:10:18] Now it's all free. So you can check us out at Pleasure, Central Radio dot com or you can find us on Spotify Pleasure, Central Radio. Yeah. And you're on
[01:10:28] Chelsea: Instagram
[01:10:28] Rebecca: now, too. And now I'm on Instagram. Yes. Thank
[01:10:32] Chelsea: you so much for talking to me, Rebecca, you, you seriously have such an interesting story and you give great advice.
[01:10:39] You're the person I'm coming to for now on for all advice.
[01:10:42] Rebecca: well, I'm so glad I'm happy to chat. Thank you. Thanks so much for talking to me.
[01:10:50] Hey there. Pleasure seeker. Well, that's it for today's conversation here at Pleasure Central Radio. We love using conscious communication science geekery and copious amounts of true. To improve our partnerships, our money and our love lives. And we hope you do too. If you loved what you heard here, we'd love a review.
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[01:11:54] Catharina: Thanks for listening to Pleasure. Central Radio today's episode is courtesy of Chelsea at the Karen disapproves podcast. Check out her show available from all major podcast platforms. If you've listened to this episode today, and we're intrigued by something we'd love to hear about it, what really hit home for you or surprised you?
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